Never too far from a beautiful mystery

Afterthought

Andrew's Pov

The four walls of my room never have seemed so familiar, maybe because I didn't even step foot out of it since Friday. My room is a complete mess, potato chip bags all over the floor, soda cans scattered everywhere and I found myself laying on the rug floor staring into nothingness. It seemed like if she just gave up just like that out of nowhere. Replaying the scenario in my head over and over wasn't helping make sense of anything.

My bedroom door opens slightly, my mom was peeking in to probably make sure I was still breathing. The sight of the trash scattered throughout my room must've overwhelmed her because she barged in and said "ok I know you are going through some man hormones or something but you really need to clean this room, it's just depressing". Forcing myself up from the comfortable rug I mumble "yeah that's not the only thing depressing in the room".

So I'm taking a wild guess here but I think she heard that, her eyes widen and suddenly a can of Pringles magically flew towards my face. And yes it wasn't magic, my mom just threw it at me. Storming out of the room she says "I expect to see this room clean and to see your smiling face outside or at least downstairs for lunch". It sounds like a good idea because I haven't been out of my room in a while.

I start picking up all of the garbage and papers from the floor. Then I vacuum the dusty rug. I get a bottle of windex to wash the windows, just when I thought I was forgetting about what happened yesterday, I see Jade hugging that guy again. The same one from yesterday. Now my temper got the best of me, I start walking down the stairs mad as fuck. Slamming open my front door I see Jade kissing him and sadly this time it was no kiss on the cheek.

With tears going down my cheek and rage pushing me closer to them I say "what the fuck is this huh?"
Both of them were shocked for a moment, Jade says to her new boyfriend or whatever the fuck he is "can you give us a moment David?"
I scream at her "so that's his fucking name, who am I supposed to be Goliath". Jade grabs my shoulder gesturing me to calm down and says "look Andrew I didn't want to tell you this in the beginning of our relationship because I wasn't sure what was going to happen".

I snatched my shoulder away from her hand and ask "what are you talking about?" She then starts explaining "me and David were going out before you and I, the only reason we broke up was because David was going to move but now he's asking me to go with him". I wiped my tears with my sleeve and said "so I guess you're going with him and leaving everything behind, that's fucking selfish".

Before she could say anything, I continue saying "you should've never started a relationship with me in the first place, that's not even the worst part, you're leaving your family behind just to be with him the great David, you know what....I'm fucking done with you". She turns away and says coldly "you have no right to judge, fucking junkie". The break up didn't even hurt, what hurts me the most is that when people look at me all they see is a junkie. I'm just an afterthought in people's lives.

My mother was looking through the kitchen window, when I walked into the house she has her arms open to give me a hug. Something I truly needed right now. A meaningful hug from a mother will make any man cry, I know it gets to me every time. After a while we all eat lunch together, me, my mom and dad. Finding my food unappetizing, I say "I'm not hungry, not really in the mood for meatloaf". I head up to my room and try to sleep the rest of the day.

I wake up around 1am, my bladder was almost exploding so I head to the bathroom and take a wiz. Now that I was wide awake and couldn't get back to sleep so easily. Resting my hands on the bathroom sink I wonder if a little motivation would help. And I wasn't talking about no lalaby. I opened the medicine cabinet searching for some of my moms sleeping pills. Not even thinking about it I slid that pill down my throat.

After that I don't remember much, I woke up on my bedroom floor with druel all over my face. Trying to get up from the ground, my arms shake, maybe the pill dehydrated me somehow. Struggling to the shower I almost fell a couple of times. Still feeling drowsy from the pill, I figured a cold shower would help but I was still feeling tired. The smell of pancakes in the air smacked my face with love. Practically throwing myself at the plate I eat my breakfast like a hungry bear.

After breakfast I go outside and sat on my porch step. The cup of coffee in my hands warmed them up some, taking a sip of my coffee brang me back to life, the steam hitting my face and the hotness of it going down my throat made my eyes widen. But that wasn't the only thing that made me wake up. I overhear Jade's mom pleading "please stay, I have gave you everything and you are just leaving, please don't go".

Then I see Jade walking out of her house with her luggage. She puts it in the trunk of David's car. She gets into the car and poof they were gone just like that. Jade's mom just dropped down in tears on their front lawn, I could feel the pain of her screams knowing she probably wasn't going to see her daughter again. Chills went up my spine, it took me awhile but I finally decided to go over there and try to calm her down.

I say "I'm sorry your daughter left". I know what I said wasn't going to calm her down but it's worth a shot. She looked up at me with anger, oh yeah anger was plastered all over her face "you should be sorry, it's your fault she left". Frustrated I ask "oh yeah and why is that, why is it my fault that your daughter left you, her own mother?"

With her face turning red, she shoved me away and answered "because she knew you were never going to be man enough for her, she knew if she would've stayed with you it would've ended up being another disappointment, deep down she knew that you will always love getting fucked up more than you would ever love her". That really hit me hard, my eyes started to tear up as I just walk away.

So many things going through my mind, I started to walk to the only place that seemed familiar. After awhile walking and buried in my thoughts, there I found myself in front of my old drug dealers house. Taking a deep breath I hesitate to knock on the old wooden door. Thinking twice about things I started to leave, that's when I bump into him at the front gate.

He gives me a hug and says "hey Andrew long time no see, what can I do for you". Scratching my head I say "well I actually came here to score some dope". He laughed and said "sure man I got you, this time is on the house". I grab the dope quickly and put it in my pocket, I say "thanks man". I walked over to a little old park where I used to go when I wanted to be alone, hardly anyone came to the park because of how run down it was. I sit at the end of the slide and tied my belt around my arm. I tightened it and just stare at the syringe and my arm. I just sat there for awhile staring into not only the dope that was in my hand but into the decision I was going to make also.