Waking up wasn't the best feeling in the world. The bed was comfortable but the light crept through the windows and noise from down stairs erupted.
"Cam!!!" I yell wincing trying to get out of bed.
"Hold up guys my baby is up." Cam rushes upstairs.
"Babe you're awake. Are you okay do you need anything? Do you want to break something? Do you want to cry, have something to drink, eat, go to the bathroom? Do you want to go somewhere?"
"Baby I'm fine, can you just help me get dressed? I really want to go to San Fransico today."
"Okay but it's raining so we'll have to be careful."
Cam gets my shoes and black skinny jeans with a red ripped up shirt and a thick leather jacket with my favorite hat and helps me into them.
I walk downstairs carefully. All the boys are sitting there with coffee and donuts and Cassie is making out with Matt in the corner, and Shawn is still asleep on the couch.
"Morning." I yawn and Shawn wakes up but stay as on the couch under the blanket.
"Awe beautiful you look amazing." Jacob stares at me and so does Dylan.
"Don't get your mind mixed up with you're balls there you're cute but no where near my heighth or age." I giggle and hold cams arm for balance.
"Cammy, can Muffin man, and Cassie come with us?" I pout at cam.
"I guess." Cam sighs. I walk towards Shawn and lay down next to him.
"Morning, muffin man." I say smiling.
"Morning Lucille." Shawn says in a raspy voice. Ugh I feel so confused with my feelings. I'm in love and engaged to Cameron but I'm in love with Shawn, but not out of pity, but because he treats me so well.
"Come on let's go." Shawn warps me in his arms, and I can feel cams eyes staring through me as I giggle.
"I don't want to though." Shawn yawns and closes his eyes.
"Why not." I frown at him.
"Because I just helped delivered a dead baby." I lay there with tears now flowing regularly. Everyone else is quiet and Cam is angry.
"Alright get your hands off of her." Cam goes up to Shawn and unwraps his arms from me and carries me to the kitchen table.
"Why don't just you and me go and you and Cassie can have a girls nite with Sierra." Cam puts his forehead against mine.
"But cam I want to play with you tonight though." He grimmaces and Nash and Aaron all sigh in disgust with the rest of them and close their ears.
"You don't know how badly I want to have you on this table right now."
He leans in and then stops.
He backs up a millimeter. "Let's get some condoms to go."
"I'll get the handcuffs and the vibrator." I get up off the table and go to the bedroom.
I go to the nightstand and put the vibrator, handcuffs, and condoms and put them in my purse.
"Rawr" cam stands behind me and wraps his arm around me as I scream.
"Cam did you know that when you scare me you turn me on just the slightest bit?"
"God I want you so fucking badly." He moans and I look down at his dick which is stick up against his pants.
I stand on my tippy-toes and try and slip my tounge in his mouth, but he seals his lips. I Unzip his pants and grab his dick and he opens his mouth giving me a chance to slip my tounge in. I kiss him for a minute and he cums into my hand.
"I can't wait to do it again sometime." I wink at him and lick my hand. He zips his pants back up and I go to the bathroom to wash my hands.
"Lucy how many morphine pills did you take." He sounded worried but I stopped dead in my tracks.
" I.... I sort of. Well I just. Umm I just..."
"Spill it Lucy."
I sigh. "I tripled my dosage. I was in so much pain that I just wanted it gone."
"Lucy you could have died." He starts to cry. It made me frustrated because when he starts crying he does the exact same thing.
"Cameron." He doesn't answer. "Cameron." He doesn't look at me or say anything.
"God dammit Cameron look at me." I walk over to him and straddle his lap. "Cameron stop crying, please, I don't want you to cry because when you cry you do the same thing I did to show me that it hurts you." It hits me hard as I say it. "Oh. I guess that's the point I've been missing." I grab cams chin and look him in the eyes. "Stop." I search his eyes for anything. I can see anger and sadness and compassion and heartbreak but I can see he loves me. I lean forward and kiss him with his salty tears entering my mouth and go down my throat like they were on fire.
"Dry your tears baby." I smile and he wipes his hand across his cheeks and smiles back.
"Come on I want to go to San Fran."
"I'm sorry Lucy." He looks up at me and caresses my cheek.
"Don't be. I understand now."
Cam gets up and holds me close.
"Let's go little munchkin." I laugh and we walk downstairs and everyone is watching spongebob.
I go and say goodbye to Cassie and she asks for me to get her something dark and mysterious. Like always. I walk by Shawn and try and keep a straight face but he grabs my hand.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that." He looked like he had been crying.
"Shawn I know but it still hurt." He lets go and I walk to cams open arm.
We walk to the car and cam drives to get me my favorite things from Starbucks and stops when I tell him so I can take pictures.
We finally arrive to San Fran and all I can remember is that Cam made me happy the whole time, he is the reason that I can remind myself not alone.
