Dangerous Lies

Chapter 11

WARNING: NOT KID ACCEPTABLE!

it's not long but there is a method to my madness.

VOTE and COMMENT!

Sitting in the living room with Shawn and the others I'd gotten to know couldn’t be tenser. They’re curious about my reasons for leaving so suddenly, I can see it. They all have these pissed off or determined and stubborn looks on their faces and me, well I'm an inch away from the end of my rope and a millimeter from a panic attack. I only have so many months to get the hell out of dodge before they release my father. I know I can't stay here. Not only because this is where my father will look first but because this lifestyle isn't good for me. It’s poison. This life has taken enough from me and I'm not about to let it control my life.

“You can't make me stay here.” I say coldly.

Ryder looks emotionless, Shawn looks on the verge of begging and Ricky looks angry. “You think you can protect yourself better than we can?” Ricky demands, “we all have to do things we don’t like, suck it up and we’ll have you out of here as soon as we can.”

I snort, “What’s to say I don’t kill you all in your sleep?” I sneer.

Shawn rolls his eyes, “I know you well enough, Erin. You don’t have it in you to kill another person. It may have been years since I've seen you, Lily, but I know the type of girl you are. You aren’t capable of pulling the trigger.”

I scoff, “you don’t know me from Jack, you fucker.” I snarl the anger I've carried since Jace died seems fresh these days, seems bigger and more potent and I don’t feel stable. My moods seem to be louder as they scream in my head and hang on my heart. “If you think I wouldn’t fight to get away from you then you are a damn fool. I've only got a few months of freedom, true freedom and if you think you’re going to stand in the way of that then you’re not only foolish but dumb.” The reference to my father slips out before I thought my words through and I can tell it interested them all. Even Richard who was leaning against the doorframe straightened.

Ryder stands, towering over me, “What. The. Fuck. Does. That. Mean.” He growls and I scowl.

“none of your fucking business. I don’t owe you anything.” I look around, including everyone in that statement.

I was all set to storm out but Richard grabs my arm, “what was the guilt you mentioned the night I tattooed you? What memories did you mean?” I couldn’t break his grip, he only tightened his fingers. “I mean it, woman, tell me what's going on!”

I laugh bitterly, “You think I respect you enough to tell you anything? You’re the same as any of them; all the pimps and the gangsters, all wanting respect and money and territory and women at their beck and call. I've got nothing to give you old man. Nothing. You should have left me where you found me.”

Digging the heel of my boot into the back of his knee he fell barely releasing me in time. I storm out of the house, leaving silence in my wake, not one of them moved a muscle to stop me. Too shocked at how fast I took down their boss or maybe it was my little rant. It seems I'm sitting out too much information these days.

*

A park bench isn't the ideal hiding place but for now, its all I've got. I need to get out of here and fast. I'm falling apart and I know it. I can't do this anymore. I'm not strong. the idea of me being strong is laughable. I'm so weak. I can never do anything right.

Count your days, sweetheart—

The way he sneered, the promise I'd seen so vividly in his eyes, the cruelness of a lost man; everything about him keeps me awake at night. I shouldn’t be afraid not after all he’d done to me…hell after all that’d happened to me. But I know he’ll come and old habits die hard. Will my fear of him ever go away?

A year ago, I'd been so lost and alone and in so much agony, I'd been so dark—

            “Please, please, stop!” I scream, desperately clawing at my attacker. “Stop! Help! Somebody help me!” but nothing worked. No one came to help me. He only laughed and back handed me as his friends regained their grip on my ankles and my wrists. The guy on top of me ripped open my shirt and pulled my pants down viciously. Fingers entered me but I didn’t stop struggling or screaming.

            “Shut up bitch! Where’s Shawny boy and the gay bitch when you need ‘em, eh, honey? Got no one, do you, slut? They all left you alone and ripe for the taking.” They spit on my and pulled my hair and hit me so hard my eyes blurred. I could smell the blood running down my face and I could feel it slide to my ears. They smashed my head off the pavement and my world turned black just after I felt him enter me painfully and roughly.

I woke up in the hospital that time. I was so freaked the doctors had to sedate me and restrain me. I wouldn’t let any of the docs touch me; nobody could get close to me. I'd locked down and stopped believing in anything. That was when everything changed for me. I'd stopped believing in Shawn and myself.

I'd been so alone. So empty and so, so angry.

I stare at the gun in my hand, my mind no longer in the past but very much in the present.

Just one bullet. One pull of the finger. One decision and I can take away the guilt, the anger, the pain and the fear…everything. I'll just be left in the shadows, watching as the world goes on.

Just. One. Twitch.

And everything ends.