Dangerous Lies

Chapter 16

sorry it's been so long but here is the next part of this story.

it would mean a lot to hear what you think.

please enjoy.

Do you know that moment of bliss when everything is just floating in the balance? Where worries and pain and the reasons or decisions made that brought you to the place they call rock bottom, just disappear like ghosts in a haunted mansion. One minute those nightmares are alive and haunt your ass and the next there is nothing holding you to the world…you are floating. You exist but you don’t. You are awake but you’re not. You are alive but not. All your lives you’ve been living in the green, maybe not happy but not quite desperate. Sometime in life you get close to the red, someone is sick or you lost your job and you have no money to put food on the table. In my experience with death, those who touch this morbid Balance those who touch it are those left with a choice. I face that question now. But what do you answer when you’re so far out of touch? What do you answer when all the questions haven't been answered? What do you do when nothing makes sense? I guess the answer in some twisted way is, find the answers and that gives you the answer to the Balance’s question.

Do I live or do I die?

With all my heart I wish to die but that’s not an option if my soul will find no peace after leaving the world of the breathing. If my essence cannot find peace, cannot rest or roam free and without care, does death bring me anything that I do not already have? What good does death bring me?

So really, there is only one answer to go for. But what would you choose? Death, as some see it, the coward’s way out. Or life, where those closest to you love to see you suffer more than they breath? Where the lies and desperation choke you where you stand, every minute of every waking day.

My mind chose death.

My soul chose life.

Turmoil, this is where I sit while I dine with this morbid and mysterious Balance.

I can see everything from my perch here but I cannot speak and I can't be heard. I am a ghost. I am nothing but everything. I am what gives life but I have the power to choose my life away. I hold power and yet, I hold none. I am an essence that essentially is nothing but everything, I just am.

Until I am pieced together again, I hang in the balance and watch the room my body rests in, fill with people I don’t really know.

Flowers hang around my room, but what good do they do? Not that I could ask, not here. Asking would me I made the decision to go back. But I haven't. But really, what am I going to do with flowers while I am on deaths door.

Some have blood on the sleeves and some are bleeding. A few even have slings and a bloodied shoulder. I don’t know what happened. I know there was an accident which lead me to this crossroad but why are they so gory looking?

But those people aren’t important. But one holds my hazy attention. As if sparking a memory, as if I knew him. But I didn’t. Not now.

They say time changes you. That you grow and you grow up. But this man was emotionless, empty…alone.

He was Jace...

That made my decision. I really had no choice at all.

***

“Jace,” the word whispers out of my mouth as if a gasp of memory from the nightmare that fell in my lap just before the accident. Pain entered my stomach that wasn’t physical but purely anguishing emotionally.

What would you expect to wake up to given these nightmare echoes of past anguish and pain, given how I even landed bruised and broken? The last place I expected to end up in was a hospital. But here I am, ripe for the picking. I'm as broken on the outside as I am on the in. Is there anything poetic about a broken soul? Is there anything in this world that I have to hold onto anymore?