Dangerous Lies

Chapter 13

To say Ryder didn’t like that was an understatement. It took an hour for me to calm him down even slightly and by the time he did we’d already drawn attention from everyone inside. Shawn’s hand settles on my shoulder and he spins me to face him. “What’s going on, Erin?” he doesn’t demand anything, he’s just asking. I wonder if he’s realizing he has no right to demand anything of me anymore.

I didn’t get time to answer because Ryder snakes his arm around my waist and looks into Shawn’s eyes, “the bastards you had watching Erin, they fucking lied. The bastards that tried to kill Ricky and Jenny, the gang that put Jace in the hospital” that got my attention, “they’ve been giving her trouble.” he runs his hands through his hair. “Someone threatened her life.”

Shawn’s eyes shifted, his eyes hollowed, his hands twitched and he stepped towards me, as if to pull me into his arms to hug me but then he stopped. “Please, Erin, I'm begging you, tell me who hurt you?”

My heart broke inside my chest. This boy—man, now—was so much once and even through my anger, I love him I'm just so angry and so hurt and so—so broken. I gripped his hand tightly and stare into his eyes, “nothing will change the past.”

He looks so defeated. The look in his eyes reminded me of the little boy I'd known so long ago, the one I’d protected, loved and thought of like a brother. This boy was on the edge of falling apart and I fear that if he knew the truth about my father, he’d lose it for good. He didn’t seem strong or scary right now. He looked lost and…haggard, like all he’d believed was changing and maybe it was.

Tears of agony shine in his eyes but he refused to let them fall, just like old times. “I need to know what I left for you. Please, Lily, please.” he begs

What right did he have to ask this of me, to ask me to relive my nightmares? Would it help him see that I'm not the same girl he’d left behind? Would it help me to finally tell someone? I pull in a shaky breath, “it started out simple. They harassed me at first, then they followed me and they’d jump me. They hurt me so much I'd have to go to the hospital.” that was my first lie. They’d hurt me but then I'd be home and my father would finish the job. He put me in the hospital and even then, when the doctors questioned me, I'd blame the gangs but no names would be given. That was my punishment, my cross to bear. “They asked where you were and when I said I didn’t know, they called me a liar. They said there was only one way to deal with liars.”

Silence. It’s as if everyone was afraid to breath, afraid to say a word. But Shawn, in a haggard and broken voice pleads, “Don’t tell me they touched you. Please Erin. Oh God, don’t tell me that.” and I don’t. I don’t deny or confirm. I'd shared just a touch of my demons and that’s all I'd willingly dish out.

Shawn took my silence and he stormed out, unable to look at me and I'm not going to lie. It hurt. Was I so repulsive now that he knows?

I straighten myself up and shake any emotion away. Emotion made you weak and I don’t have time to be weak. Whether some rival of this stupid gang shot me or I end this crappy existence myself, I couldn’t stay any longer. My father promised to find me in a few months but I think he’ll be too drunk to know which way is up let alone actually track me down. I've got more worries than just that one bastard. I've got a boat load of troubles wanting to slice my throat out and I only have a short amount of time to run.

Sitting on the bed in the room I've been staying in I grab a piece of paper I found in an old binder and a pen. Maybe I shouldn’t but I feel I have to right to Shawn. I owed him nothing but I've known him for far too long to run and not explain myself. I'm not Shawn. I'll never be Shawn. But I don’t want to be found. I want to crawl into a ball, find a hole to burrow down in and die. I'm so sick of looking over my shoulder.

            Shawn,

            You left because you had people counting on you, people that needed you. I might not mean much but I needed you too.

            I loved my brother, Shawn and I loved you too. I was all alone when they told me Jace died. I was all alone when they beat me. I've been through hell and maybe you have too but I'm done living in this life. Don’t come after me because I'm already gone. Give me that. Please.

            —Erin

It wasn’t much and it didn’t need to be. I just need him to know that I was leaving and I didn’t plan on coming back. I hope he can understand that I don’t really hate him or blame him. In fact, it’s me I hate. It’s me I blame and can't stand to look at.

I'm the ghost but I'm unlucky enough to still be breathing.