Always is never enough

Chapter 11

*trigger warning

(Lauren’s pov)

I woke up to the feeling of two arms wrapped around me and someone’s warm breath in my neck, I started to panic and slowly turned my head to see who those arms belonged to, I let out a sigh of relieve when I saw Dinah cuddled up against my bed, What is Dinah doing in my bed? I thought and all the memories of yesterday came flooding back, Camila kissing me, ripping my dress off, undressing herself, raping me.. A few tears rolled down my cheek my best friend raped me, I can’t tell my parents they would hate her, she would go to prison, sure I’m mad, scared, broken but I don’t want Camila to go to prison for something she did when she was drunk, it was our fault she was drunk  I thought. I felt Dinah stir and quickly wiped my tears away ‘Lo are you awake?’ she asked in her hoarse morning voice, ‘hmh’ I hummed, she hugged me from behind ‘Are you ok?’ she asked, I nodded scared of my voice cracking. ‘I’m going to shower’ I said after some time, I locked the bathroom door behind me and looked at myself in the body long mirror I felt gross, the smell of alcohol lingered everywhere around my body. I got under the shower and let the warm water run over my body. After I got out of the shower I still felt gross and it was driving me crazy, I broke down in tears on the bathroom floor. I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door ‘Laur are you ok?’ I heard a soft voice speak ‘can you let me in?’ it as Ally.. I opened the bathroom door for her from my position on the ground and she sat next to me, back resting against the bathtub. She stroked my hair with her tiny hands ‘I feel so gross Allycat’ I sad in between sobs ‘you’ve got to talk to Camila about this Lo’ she said, ‘I can’t’ a said after a moment of silence ‘why Lo?’ Ally asked ‘You need to find out why she would do something like that’ she said, I knew Ally was true but I just couldn’t, Camila was inside of me, but that didn’t bother me so much. I’ve dreamed so many times about being intimate with Camila, but it all reminded me of him. His lips roughly pressed against mine, his hands travelling around my body, the way he ripped my clothes off, the hunger in his eyes, it all came flooding back to my mind, Camila reminded me of him, how was I going to be able to talk to her. It felt like he crawled under my skin, like he was in my blood, like some sort of infectious disease which slowly but surely kills you.

(Ally’s pov)

I was getting really worried about Lauren, she kept mumbling about how he was in her blood, and how it was slowly but surely killing me, it scared me. Camila still hasn’t woken up just like Normani, and Dinah is furious with Camila. Don’t get me wrong, I’m mad at Camila for what she did, but she was drunk, and we were the ones who gave her the alcohol. I walked downstairs to see Dinah sitting at the dining table with a sandwich in one hand and her phone in the other. In the living room I saw Normani getting up from the couch and Camila slowly waking up, I walked back  to the kitchen and decided to make some breakfast for the four of us, since Dinah already has a sandwich. While I was busy in the kitchen I saw a pale looking Camila running up the stairs in a hurry.

(Camila’s pov)

I woke up with a pounding headache and I slowly started to remember what happened last night.. with Lauren. I was starting to feel really nauseous, I quickly stood up and ran up the stairs, receiving strange looks from Dinah, Ally and Normani, I ran into the bathroom, crouched down in front of the toilet and threw up. ‘Mila you aren’t purging right? I mean you haven’t eaten anything yet so..’ I heard a voice behind me, I expected it to be Lauren but when I turned around I saw Ally standing in the doorway, I shook my head no. ‘Then I guess it’s the alcohol she said sending me a sympathetic smile, she took a plastic cup and some aspirins out of the cabinet beneath the sink and handed it to me ‘this will work’ she said. ‘thanks Allycat’ I said my voice still hoarse. I walked downstairs and sat at the dining table not saying a word, Dinah shot me a furious look and Normani just looked at me with a sad expression, a sandwich was placed in front of me but I just couldn’t eat it, I shoved the plate to the middle of the table, made my way to the living room and let myself fall on the couch.

(Lauren’s pov)

Come on, there must be one in here, there was one yesterday I was rummaging through my drawers it must be in here, it can’t just disappear I walked over to my writing desk and pulled open those drawers when I finally found what I needed, I got a screw driver from my other drawer and unscrewed the blade from the sharpener. I slid down to the ground my back pressed against the end of my bed I need him out of me, I need Camz out of me, they’re in my blood, they will kill me, I need to get them out. I placed the sharp blade against the skin of my wrist..