How I Married My Bias

CHAPTER 19

I woke up, smile encrypted on my face. I dreamt about him. I was in his embrace. For the whole duration of the dream we just hugged each other until I woke up.

I was overwhelmingly happy. I grabbed my journal from under my bed and started scribbling
Some happiness is short-lived.

The next morning, all the happiness drained out of me as I fall, knees first, on the floor upon reading a letter I had just received.

It was from my brother back in the Philippines. It turns out my mother was sick. She was rushed to the hospital, although she is far from any danger now, she wished to see me.

Without even thinking, without even having second thoughts, I pack up. I bumped on the land lady on the way out.

She scorned at me as usual but then she looked at me, half worried. She must’ve noticed my tear-stained face and she asked me if I’m okay. I just nodded. I hired a taxi.

My thoughts wander far – almost reaching home to my sick mother. I had been a bad daughter. I should’ve been there. It hurts me that she had to ask for my presence when I should’ve been there in the first place.

And then I thought about him. I quickly get my journal from my bag only to realize that it wasn’t there. I searched my bag for anything and found a single sheet of paper between my books.

I began writing down. The car and my trembling hands all add up to make my writing awful. But I had to do it though.

I called Divina. I told her that I had to go home. She cried over the phone and I wanted to console her but I can’t. She’s at the Pledis Building right now, preparing for a shoot. I asked the driver to stop by Mrs. Heo’s bookstore.

I found her wiping dust out of books when I get in. Her warm cheerful face turned into a worried one upon seeing me. She dropped the duster on the floor and hurries towards me.

I told her that I’m fine but I have to be away for a while. I told her my mom was sick and I had to go home. She already knew my story.

“I just dropped by to give you this,” handing the apartment key to her, still holding on to the letter.

I’m having second thoughts about giving the letter. I thought of him. I decided to keep the letter. It was best if he won’t know. It would be better this way.

“Don’t forget to write, dear,” Mrs. Heo said as I open the taxi door.

I nodded and waved at her. I slipped inside the taxi and went off. I could see the bookstore getting farther and farther away until the taxi turned and I couldn’t see it anymore.

The taxi passed by the city, among the tall buildings, through the familiar sea of strangers. The taxi speed down the road until we came upon the road lined with trees.

When we came upon the seashore, I asked him to stop.
I hopped out and gazed into the sea, my warm breath meets the cold sea breeze. I closed my eyes as if to feel it even more. I walked down the stairs to the beach. I was about to take the final step but I hesitated.

I must not step foot on this beach alone. It was ours. The magic that this place can give is nothing without him. I grabbed my water bottle from my bag and emptied it.

I stuff the letter inside and put the bottle in a crack against the rock by the stairs.

I leaned my head on the glass window as the taxi starts off. I looked back to the sea as the taxi speeds away.

There’s no guarantee that he’ll read the letter. It could be washed away. The pain was unbearable, not having a chance to say goodbye.

The airport is crowded with people. Almost everyone has somebody to wave them goodbye. I saw tears, heard cries and became witness to sincere goodbye kisses.

I wished I could see him one last time. My flight was announced minutes later. As the crowd of people pushes me through the departure area, I glanced back.  Hoping, expecting.

Expecting to see him or even his shadow, hoping to see him running after me like those dramas I used to watch.

He was never there. He didn’t know. I didn’t tell.

My tears rolled down as the plane soared higher. I could see the tall buildings, the houses, the streets. I tried to make out which one was his.

As the plane soared up, the buildings was slowly covered by clouds, I felt the distance between us.

Once again, our paths aligned by destiny were set apart.