How I Married My Bias

CHAPTER 20

The cold sea breeze touched my face. The wet sand kissed my feet. I stood staring at the ocean.

No, I wasn’t staring at the ocean. I was staring further into it. I closed my eyes. A warm hand touched my shoulder. I looked at the figure behind me.

“It’s been a year already.” I said to him.

“It is.” He said plainly.

I turned my gaze from him and stared at the waves crashing on the shore.
A whole year passed. How many days was it? How many months? How long was one year? Maybe short. But distance made it feel like eons ago.

“Like waves,” he said. “No matter how far the ocean may stretch, a part of it will always be with the shore,”

I suddenly broke into tears, silently, as another wave crashed into the shore. I heard his steps. He headed back.

It was cold but I want to stay a little bit. How is he? Is he okay? Where could he be at this time?
  
The cold sea breeze touched my face again. The wet sand kissed my feet. I stood staring at the ocean.

No, I wasn’t staring at the ocean. I was staring further into it – into some place miles away. I turned and follow my brother back home.

It has been one year since I came back to the Philippines. My mother was doing fine but she can’t walk properly.

I was glad that they accepted me. I was happy to see them and so are they. I wanted to be here, to be with them but my heart also yearns for someone else’s company.

I always think about him. Most of the day, I spend thinking about him. I was filled with guilt, sadness, longing – the kind that gets stronger over time.

Like waves.

That’s what I hold on to. No matter how far we are from each other, a part of him will always be with me. Always.

My family lived in an island. It was a four-hour journey by boat to nearest town where there are phone signals. In short, I can’t communicate here. There is no electricity so phones are useless. We were literally apart. No internet connection to serve as bridge.
NOTHING.

Everyday, a yacht would drop tourists on the island. I would come running to the beach, expecting to see him among the tourists.

He was never there. Everyday, when the weekly postman arrived, I would wait eagerly for a letter to come. No letter came. Not from him.

I received a letter but it was from Mrs. Heo. She said that she doesn’t want to lose my apartment so she continues to pay for it. I thanked her and promised that I will pay her back. But I’m afraid it’ll be a while before I came back to Korea.

Every day was the same. I woke up missing him and spend the whole day still missing him. In the afternoon, when the sun started its journey down the horizon, I went to the beach. I grabbed the paper boats, put it in a basket and headed for the beach.

“You’re going out again?” My mom said as she pushed her wheelchair towards me.

I nodded. “It’ll just be a moment Ma. I’ll be back in time for supper,” I kissed her cheek.

I ran down to the beach, the basket swinging as I ran. The sky bears the same familiar color. Purplish black with hints of orange.

The sea still looked the same. It looked exactly like the same shore we used to visit. It also felt the same. The only difference was that, he’s not here.

I put the paper boats out of the basket. I carried it in my arms and headed for the water. I gently land each paper boat in it and let the waves drift it afar.

The three little boats drifted into the sea, like little white lights amongst the dark currents. I stood up, my knees scraped by the rough sand watching until I can’t see the boats anymore.

I know those boats won’t reach him. I know he won’t ever hear my words no matter how much I scream it. I know he won’t see this tears no matter how much I cry.

But he’ll be always be a part of me.

ALWAYS.