Vicious Cycles

Chapter 2

Botany. It was my first class of the day, and probably of all the classes I was taking one of my absolute favorites. I had never been content just sitting at home. The essence of nature was almost weaved into my very existence and it made my connection to the outdoors just that much more powerful. My parents were both adventure hunters who sought to test their limits and live off nature as much as they could. Perhaps that’s why I grew so fond of the outdoors, but somehow it seemed more than just that.

I walked into the classroom and found Cole sitting at one of the desks in the corner, and took my seat next to him. A few others came and sat with us, and I smiled and talked to them. Just before the professor walked in, an unruly set of bright red curls caught my attention and I smiled. Walking into the classroom was Katherine, Kat, who looked like an absolute train wreck. I got up and grabbed a text book of her huge pile just before it fell off and she looked up, as if she were surprised to see someone actually standing in front of her.

Sitting down once again, with her next to me, I idly doodled on my notebook as I waited for class to start. I would never admit it, not even to myself, but I was thinking about that man. The man who I had seen the night before, the bright light that seemed to follow me wherever I went and the unshakeable feeling that I was constantly missing something. The entire night replayed in my head as I tried to remember anything about him that would help me identify who he was. Lost in my own thoughts, I almost jumped when I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. Turning to look at Kat, I saw her inquisitive look and furrowed my eye brows in response. “Sorry, what?” I asked, having realized that she must have told me something I completely missed while daydreaming.

“Do you want to go? It’ll be fun. We don’t get out nearly enough and besides, I was thinking of doing some sort of observational study for my psychology class and what better way than to see my subjects in their natural habitat.” She finished, with a proud smile on her face. Kat was a psychology major, who had an interest in, well, learning. It was the primary reason she was even in the same class as me. She took a class from every subject offered, and she explained to me that botany was something she had never gotten a chance to explore.

“Yeah, sure. Though just one question, what exactly will be fun?” I asked just as the professor walked in. The class grew quiet and everyone shuffled to get their notes out. I pulled out my laptop ready to take notes on whatever it was that we were learning that day. Class went on, and I found myself absorbed in everything that the man in the front of the room was saying. He was someone who I could tell shared the passion I had in botany. A man who loved what he was teaching and was enthusiastic every time he came into class. He was a man that made learning the material far more interesting, and therefore easier to understand.

As class wrapped up, we started packing up, getting ready to leave. I waited for Kat and Cole and we started walking. “There’s some frat party or something tonight. I heard about it in my psychology class. We should go.” Kat continued from before. Her eyes were bright and lively, as she continued on about how she was going to study the effects of alcohol on helping behavior, and something about responsibility and diffusion. Her words were too fast for me to comprehend, but by the end of her longwinded speech, I had concluded, as could have anyone else, that it was important to her. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go.” Turning to Cole I spoke. “You’re going right? Aren’t frat parties like your thing?” He rolled his eyes in silent acceptance, and I laughed to myself as we parted ways for our next few classes. The rest of the day passed by rather quickly and I was back in my dorm rather early into the day. I finished what few assignments I had been given, having nothing else to do. Sometime through the course or reading about some philosophical theory, I had dozed off and I awoke to my roommate getting ready.

"Are you going out?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence that seemed to permanently reside between us. I rubbed at my eyes as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. She turned at my question and started to answer. "Yeah there's this party." I nodded in acknowledgement of her answer and it took me a moment to put two and two together. Sounded like the party was something a lot of people were going to. "Oh yeah i'm going to that too. " She looked rather shocked that I was going and I didn't blame her. I wasn't really the party type and honestly I realized that as soon as I had gone to one when I first started college. Giving her a shrug I said, "My friend really wants to go. That's the only reason. " She didn't say anything and just turned back to get ready for that night. I got up and walked over to my closet to try and find something g that people wore to parties. I didn't have much but I fished out a blouse I thought to be suitable and decides that was the most effort I was going to take for this party. Changing quickly, I texted Kat and Cole to find out where they were. Cole replies almost immediately and said he'd meet us there. Kat took a little while longer and said she would meet me outside my dorm. My roommate told me she was heading out and I assumed her friends were already there and I bid her good bye.

As I waited for Kat, I once again found my thoughts wandering to the mysterious man I had seen, along with the gruesome dream I had the night before. Insomnia was prevalent in my life since childhood but as the years went on, it got worse and worse. My parents, when they found out, took me to see a few doctors and they never did much that helped. It seemed that no matter what I did, I could never get a proper night’s sleep without being interrupted by the nightmares that changed form every night but always ended in the death of the same girl. But as my parents grew increasingly worried, I told them that the medication was helping and that I was sleeping better, and from then on, I had refrained from telling anyone about my sleeping troubles.

But the dreams always seemed so real, as if were physically present for every single one. The girl in the dream had an uncanny resemblance to me, and I could never shake the feeling that somehow the girl was actually me. It was a stupid notion, but it was one that I couldn’t seem to get rid of. A few knocks on the door indicated that Kat was here, and I got up to meet her. She seemed better dressed than I was, and looked like she would blend into the crowd well. I on the other hand knew I would look extremely out of place, but I didn’t let it bother me. She smiled, flashing her notebook at me and I couldn’t help but laugh. She looked like the one who would be partying while I took notes, but in reality it was the other way around. Kind of.

We arrived at the party, and I could hear it long before I saw it. The music was blaring loudly, so much so that I couldn’t even hear my self think. It was something that people saw on T.V. all the time, the college kids gone wild type of thing. Having never been to a party of this caliber before, I was rather awestruck by the volumes of people that were pouring in and out of the house. Upon entering, I saw that it was just as congested inside as it was outside. My eyes wandered, trying to find Cole, and I was disappointed when I didn’t see him there. I felt a hand on my wrist and looked down to see Kat dragging me to the middle of a huge crowd. She leaned in and spoke directly into my ear.

“How am I supposed to observe if we stand around the outskirts the entire time? Come on; act like you’re supposed to be here.” She started dancing, and looking around, studying whatever it was that she had decided to study. I mirrored whatever she was doing for a few minutes before telling her I was going to go get something to drink. It wasn’t as if I trusted any of the drinks in that place, but it was better than attempting to dance while being surrounded by what seemed like the entire college population.

She nodded and found someone else she knew, and I pushed my way through the crowd. As I walked through the mass of people, I heard loud cheering and I followed the chaos into what at one time might have been a kitchen. On the table, there were four frat boys, who were clearly drunk out of their minds, dancing and drinking along with what appeared to be a few similarly inebriated girls. My eyes lingered on one who appeared to be having the most fun, a dark haired guy I had never seen around campus.

I attempted to navigate to the snacks table, and there I found that almost every drink was laced with alcohol. The smell was overwhelming, and I decided to steer clear from all of them. As I began to walk away, I felt someone bump into me and felt a chill run down my shirt, and I closed my eyes as the liquid traced its way down my back. Turning around, I came face to face with the man who had just dumped his entire drink all over me, and of course, who else would it have been than the same guy who had been dancing on the table earlier.