The Majesty of Choice

Clueless

Gerard is woken up by the sound of two very loud, very shrill, screaming girls. His first instinct is that the house is on fire which is really unfortunate because they have no money and would therefore be homeless, but then he realizes that Olive just borrowed Hattie's makeup, so it's morning as usual.

Gerard's body says it's too early to wake up, but he knows it's probably later than he wants it to be, and that sucks. He wants to go back to bed and sleep for another several hours but he's got shit to try to get out of. Also, he's tried sleeping through his responsibilities before and he ended up sleepwalking while practicing the flute that he was neglecting to practice, which is as odd a thing for one to be woken up by as anything else.

He often finds his body doing things his brain tells him he doesn't want to do. When someone orders him, it's kind of like he's a puppet. He has full control of his mind and voice, but he doesn't always have control of his body. If he resists something, it makes him feel like he's about to puke his guts out. He gets sweaty, his stomach wrings, and his vision gets blurry. Gerard has no choice in being told what to do, and if he tries to disobey, he gets sick. His life is awfully shitty. He doesn't know how anyone could look upon it and see it as a gift.

Gerard nevertheless pulls himself out of bed, and looks around his room that's not his room somberly. He doesn't want to be in here any longer than he has to, so he dresses quickly. He unconsciously makes the decision to dress nicely. He doesn't know if he's going to escape Patrick this afternoon, but on the off chance that he does see Frank and Frank sees him back, he would very much like not to be dressed like a farm boy. It's not that he cares what Frank thinks, or at least he tries telling himself that, he just wants to appear better than a poor little boy in rags.

Gerard stumbles out of his room, he makes his way downstairs where he sees that the girls are now arguing with Buggy, and she is, as always, taking Hattie's side. Honestly, if she weren't such a pretentious asshole, Gerard would feel bad for Olive sometimes. The way her mom and her sister treat her is gross, but the fact that she reflects that disgusting behavior back on everyone else means that she lost the right to have Gerard's pity before he even considered giving it away.

Ray hands Gerard an apple as he stands in the door frame chewing on a piece of bread, watching the two of them like they're the most interesting play he's ever seen. He's mesmerized by the red blotchy colors of their faces as they all scream at each other. Gerard shrugs, and decides not to question it as he takes a bite of the apple, startled by how entranced in their own argument they are to not see Ray and him watching the scene unfold. The crisp sound as he bites into the apple is almost inaudible over their shrieking. Gerard wants to get away from them.

He catches quite a few words on the topic of how Hattie needs to look gorgeous for her future husband. Gerard rolls his eyes. She has no idea. The Prince is too good for her. Gerard can't believe he's saying that about the guy, because he hates him, or at least he wants to, but it's true. The Prince is far too good for Hattie. He's too good for a lot of the girls Gerard knows.

Gerard doesn't know what the girls in other towns are like, but prospects are not bright on his own future, or the Princes. He's probably going to end up with some whiney girl like his sister, because in his eyes, no girl, or really any person at all, could ever live up to the image his mother set for him. She was as perfect as perfect can get. Maybe Michael would've been just like her.

Gerard depresses himself with this, and decides he'd better head off. It's not a short walk and he needs to think through what it is he plans to say to Patrick to try to get him to say they don't have to go. Anything he can do to get Patrick to retract his order, that's all he needs.

"See you later," Gerard says, and Ray barely acknowledges him before turning his attention back to the drama unfolding.

Gerard makes his way out of the house, glad to be out of it. The day is starting to look kind of dreary, no sun to be seen with grey clouds coming in, on an almost white sky. Maybe the event will be rained out. Then Gerard won't have to make excuses. Gerard looks at the road as he starts walking, remembering being here with the Prince yesterday. It seems so surreal now that he's not there. It's just a shadow, not even real to Gerard's mind.