The Majesty of Choice

Dreams

Gerard's having a very odd series of dreams. When he finally falls asleep, it's beside Frank. It's too close. It's far too close. It's almost touching close. He's only a few inches away. They have the tent to themselves but it still feels like not enough room. It's too condensed, too small. Gerard doesn't want to be this close to Frank. Except he does. He wants nothing more than to be this close to Frank. But it feels wrong all the same.

Maybe it's his proximity to Frank that sends his dreams into the weird spin they're taking.

First, Gerard finds himself in his house. Ray is there. So is Mikey, but not in book form. Something is off though, and it's more than just Mikey being there not inside his book. He looks around the room, and nothing looks any different. Something just feels wrong, dark. It feels like something bad is going to happen, and it's not a feeling Gerard could describe, because nothing is wrong now. But it feels like it's inevitable.

The house looks the same as it always had. He sees the same old furniture and tacky artwork, older even then his own father. This was his house as well, it's been in the family for many generations. Gerard dreads to think it will someday be his. He doesn't want to be stuck in Frell for the rest of his life.

Gerard then turns, and to his surprise, he sees Frank, standing in the doorway. He looks out of place in a dingy room like this. He's so regal, and beautiful, and bright, yet the house is so dark, dank, and poor compared to him. Gerard can't escape how he feels completely overwhelming joy at the sight of Frank. It's like nothing he's ever experiences. It's like seeing Frank fills him up. He's completely filled with such emotions; he couldn't describe them.

He's aware that he's in a dream, which is a new feeling for him. He knows that this isn't real, but he still feels unnerved. He feels more fear than he thinks he ever has when awake, and he's not sure what it is he's afraid of in the first place, since there's nothing here that might harm him.

"You make sense in a way," Frank says to him, "seeing where you come from?"

"Is that to say that I am as depressing as my home?"

"No," Frank shakes his head, "Quite the opposite. You are a reflection of so many good things."

"How so?"

"You have very good people in your life," Frank says, nodding his head towards Ray and Mikey, and when Gerard looks back at them, he sees Ray with that little glimmer in his eye. It's that one that always makes Gerard feel like everything is going to be okay. Ray is such a good person, always makes sure that he feels safe, makes sure that he lives the best life he can, even with his curse. Ray is the only person who keeps him sane.

Then he looks over at Mikey, who looks so different from when Gerard saw him last. He's got the same face as in the book, but seeing him with a body is surreal now. He's lanky, and boney, with sharp edges all over the place, from his jaw to his elbows, but he looks astounding. He's a real person, a good one at that, and he deserves so much. Gerard wants Mikey to live such a happy life, do everything he could ever dream of, and be really free. He never realized until now how much Mikey's life parallels his own.

Mikey is as trapped as he is. Trapped inside his book, not even having the simple freedoms Gerard takes for granted. Mikey can't even move, he can't walk around, can't be an active person, and it's just as restrictive as anything Gerard's had to go through.

Gerard keeps seeing himself in other people. First in Pete, now in Mikey, but he never really considered the fact that no one is entirely content with their lives, and no one is entirely free. No one has the simple luxury of being completely free, or of being happy at all times. Not even the Prince is completely happy.