Our Love is Chaos. ( Heathers )

9%

JD focused his aim on Veronica and kept his eyes on the head of the gun. Before he decided to shoot he remembered the napkin that was sitting in his pocket. For some odd reason, any other day of the year, Jason Dean wouldn't have thought about it, but for once he considered that maybe it could be a second chance. "I wanna take a few more this one didn't turn out well, hold on" Jason tried to buy himself time and pulled out the slip of soft material as Veronica answered with an uncomfortable "okay."

Jason looked over the messy letters scribbled along the napkin in blue ink, they read:

Jason Dean, I haven't a clue what's possessing me todo this currently - yet let it be know- but the increasing speed of my heart beat and the way I dropped everything and left with you... I really, truly hope that means something. I believe you've changed- but of course I can't quite be sure, I feel iffy about this entire road trip situation, but I do want you to know this- wether I'm dead by the time you decide to read it or alive and well, I think- no, god no, I know, I know that I Love You, no
matter what happens next JD, I do believe I love you.

Jason Dean stood still for a moment, re-reading the paragraph a couple times over before stuffing it back in his pocket. Swiftly JD turned the safety mode back on but kept the gun aimed in Veronica's direction. Jason sniffled, emotions were a tough concept for him and it was rare that he really let them show as it was difficult to feel in the first place especially after years of neglect and silence.

Veronica broke the silence and Jason hated it - she was everything, she was giving him exactly what his dreams begged him to find and he could settle down now and hug her and be joyful - but it didn't erase the promise he made months and months ago.
"Veronica..." JD's voice cracked as he began "d-don't turn around,
Okay? I just need you to listen to me right now." He wiped his nose and looked down at his feet taking a shaky breath and continuing; "I want you to listen, so please just don't turn around yet and listen to me." He paused again and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
"That note, that note's uh, it's something, hey? Yea...God, Veronica, it wasn't this hard when I met you- I, the thing is, God you're a lot better at words than me huh?" He choked out an awkward laugh and licked his bottom lip.

"Veronica I made a deal with someone, to stay sane- to stay alive, as long as I did one thing. It's like a deal with the Devil I guess, you ever heard of Rumple Stiltskin? yea he does the whole weaving of gold shit and he makes the women promise him their first borns I think - either way, something they love, okay... And I-" JD stopped, swallowing and tugging his hair back a bit.
"Veronica I made a deal with someone like that dumbass fairy tale character, and if I want to stay whole, and alive, I have to take something I love out." Jason glanced at the gun and at Veronica who still had her back faced to him but her legs were a bit shaky. "See the thing about that is... I didn't love anyone, okay. I told this guy- this doctor that, and he said your name and I thought just another ex, and then, I saw you. Working, I heard about everything, your family, the affair, your mother, and I saw you pushing through working a shitty job and getting your ass to school. How could I ruin that?"

A short and distant sob from Veronica interrupted Jason for a moment.
"I wanted to say hello but I could never build up the courage because I'm the freak right? I hurt you, and I know and I never felt bad and I've never understood emotion Veronica. Not until now, not until these past couple weeks- with you. I, God I don't know, I'm sorry and I don't..." Jason trailed off.

"You don't what, JD?" Veronica finally spoke up,
"I don't think I deserve this life at all, Ronnie. Jason sighed and lowered the gun, clasping it in both of his hands. "If I shoot you, I live, but I haven't been happy- not until you came back around. I've been thinking about this all day, about how I was going todo It but then you'd smile at me, and God 'Ronica this napkin-" Jason rested a hand on his heart where the napkin sat folded safely in his pocket. "-this napkin means more than anything to me- besides your life, because I think, I think for the first time in a very long time I'm feeling something good. So, I'm an asshole Veronica, I guess I haven't changed, but you'll make things better down here- you are meant to be here, and I should've died. If I don't do this, I'll probably get taken and have every record of my existence cleared. The world will never now how I really went- and neither will you and we can pretend we never existed and things-things would be good Ronnie. But, before I put the gun down and walk away, I want you to know, I think- no, I know, that I care about you."