From Thoughts to Paper

Entry 36

Have you ever felt that your life was too perfect? Like you didn't deserve what you have? That's me every day. There's no reason to my sadness, only that I haven't earned my life. I have never worked for anything. I say my life is difficult, but everything gets handed to me on a SilverPlatter, both the good and the bad.

I can't wait until I'm older and can earn a living to pay back my childhood. That way I feel like I've deserved it.

I also say that I feel emotional pain-and sometimes physical-all the time. In reality, the most suffering I've gone through is sickness. It is my most painful and dramatic memory wasn't very painful. Started thinking about it, I can't stop. So here we go; my first written memory:

The summer before third-grade (I think), I visited my grandparents a night to have dinner. I'm lucky like that; to have the ability to see my grandparents every day I wanted.

I could use to have a giant German Shepherd who I've known for my entire life. That being said I wanted to pet him before we left for my house. When I leaned over to pet him goodbye, healing into. But he wasn't raining and for putting. No, that damn dog leaned in and started barking.

Want to talk Berks, their math typically goes through the motions of biting. Remember, he was leaning in towards me two. So when he started barking, he started biting. My face. Just above my eye specifically. Painful right? No. I was in shock.

After that, I'm under screaming. And my mom covering my face paper towels. And my grandpa there yelling at the dog. And the dog trying to avoid my grandfather's wrath.

I remember hearing something about going into shock and something about closing hours of the ER. I remember sitting in the front seat and looking at the site see half my face covered in blood. I remember my scared expression. I resetting in the emergency room with the doctor telling me that he needed to know my head so he could put the stitches and staples in. I'm feeling the shots go through my eyebrow and crying from the pain. I never having to go to summer camp with a patch over my eye. All the kids looking at me weirdly because I had a big patch of her Mayeye and that I stayed out of the sun so that the scar my scalp wouldn't be permanently red. I remember the kids asking to see the scar underneath the patch, and cringing when I showed them.

Summer finally and that, and I had a story to tell the kids at school if they asked me, the new kid. I would face the dog every day after school because my grandparents pick me up at the time.

So question time. Was my story traumatizing? Yes. Was it painful? No. The most pain I felt was when that doctor gave me the numbing shots. Or maybe when they pulled out the staples from my head.

I'm almost done with Brad tonight. But one more question. After reading my story, do you still believe that you felt pain before? Because if a dog bites my face and I don't call that pain, denies your painful experiences measure up?if not, then quit complaining. If so, then I applaud you. He's going to paint, and you still live your life. Good job.