From Thoughts to Paper

Entry 47

I am barely looking at the page. Thinking is hard. I'm staring right through the paper. I watch myself write as if I am not the one writing. Like watching someone else write down my thoughts.

I'm back; I think. I'm stuck in science and j don't really want to be there. Not here. There. My mind is somewhere else. I hear laughter. The kind of laugh you only hear in dreams. It's gone now.

I don't think there is such a thing as being my friend. Like if we were all stars with connections to each other to make one giant constellation, I would be the star just outside of it; able to see the constellation, but too far away to actually be a part of it.

I just had the funniest thought. It was me. Becoming a famous writer. I don't think it will work, but I'm going to write here as proof that it was true.

In middle school I was (and am) the most socially awkward kid. Just look at my past entries for that. And I know that almost every famous person nowadays says that. It's always the same, "I was always the outcast in my grade" and for most of them, it's probably BS. Actors and singers don't become famous completely on their talents. Half of it is on how "pretty" they look. Every single American teenage girl will say that there is at least one person from their favorite band is hot.

Writers actually tend to be awkward people. Most of the time their introverts who like to stay up way too late at night and write or read. That's what I do. I'm doing it right now. Hell, it's... 11:52 pm on a Sunday night and here I am proving that I am not a "normal" kid. Now one says they are normal, but I'm sure that there isn't one person in my grade who wasn't classified me as "someone else's group". I haven't had more than two friends for any longer than three years. They all move or turn bitchy on me after some point. I think my parents are worried too. They never ask me about friends, so I'm always being grilled on homework. If that's not being introverted, then I don't know what is. And trust me, this is a rabbit hole that doesn't lead to wonderland.