Looking Back

Chapter 25: Nightmare

Tanner's POV

Crap! I ran my hands through my hair frustrated with myself. I should have stopped. It was too soon. Pushing myself from the couch, I went down the hall to her room to check on her. Leaning against the door I could hear her sniffing.

She was crying.

Man, I really messed up.

I knocked on the door, before pushing it open and stepping inside. The sight left me aching. Tamara was hugging her knees in a corner of the room crying. My stomach dropped. How could I have been so stupid? "Tamara," I whispered sitting next to her. I wanted to hold her and comfort her, but I thought better of it. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice when I already hurt her. I was just going to have to wait until she opened up to me.

I sat in the same position as her. My chin on my knees with my arms wrapped around my legs.

When she looked up, I looked up too. Her face was tearstained. My heart tore. With my hand placed over my heart, I said, "I am so sorry." I felt so horrified with myself that I couldn't even look at her.

"Tanner." Her gentle touch on my arm made me remember how fragile, how broken she already was. "Look at me." She placed her hands on either side of my face like she did earlier to make me look at her. "It's not your fault."

"How can you say that? I knew you were uncomfortable. I should have stopped-"

"Shhh." She placed her finger on my lips.

I kissed it.

The pink in her cheeks began to make her face glow. She slid her hand down the side of my face in an affectionate gesture. "It's not your fault. You're not the one who did this to me." She linked our arms and lay her head against my shoulder. I leaned my head on top of hers picturing in eight months she was going to have a child.

"How I wish this never happened to you," I whispered to her.

"Me too." She slipped her hand in mine entwining our fingers together. "Every day I wish I was waking up from a nightmare, instead of living one."

Tamara's POV

It was true. I'd rather have nightmares instead of waking up to a reality that I didn't want to be true.

A few days later I got a letter in the mail from my mom that had a phone number and e-mail address. I entered her number in my phone and pressed call before I could chicken out.

On the second ring she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Tamara..."

The conversation I held with my biological mom was nothing like I anticipated. Actually it was way better. I thought it was going to be awkward and silent, but we began to talk about everything. I even told her I was pregnant which I wasn't planning on telling her until I seen her in person. It just slipped out. Just listening to my mother talk, I felt drawn to her over the phone. I couldn't wait to meet her.

~

It's been three months since that first phone call with my mom. Now I have a great relationship with her and my stepdad and little sister. I'm still living with Felisha at her house. My relationship with Tanner is stronger than ever and is growing stronger still. My life is getting better as the days are passing by. (Especially with the life that is growing inside of me.) My spiritual walk with the Lord is perfect and where it should be. With all the Christian influences I have around me, I am able to stay strong in my faith.

My father is still locked up, but with him in rehab, I have hope that he will come out a changed person. With every passing moment light seems to be taking over all of the dark places in my life.