Secret Rejection

Another Party

Lizzie's birthday was today. No one in the pack could get enough of her. She and Xander were just so fucking lucky. Lizzie's party was already in full swing. 

I hadn't spoken to or seen Xander and Lizzie since the incident and my encounter in the basement. I hand't spoken to anyone. I stayed locked up in my room for two days, skipping training, dinner, and all that other shit because I didn't care.

I didn't know if I was ready to go downstairs, though. I'd smeared on deep red lipstick and put on a white, lacy dress that stopped mid-thigh. When I looked in the bathroom mirror, all I saw was a dead girl. My hair was doing its natural wave thing that I couldn't control and there was absolutely nothing I could do to brighten up my dark eyes. I looked like a skinny ghoul. I sure as hell felt like one, too.

I took a selfie with my camera, except I didn't smile. I just stared into the lenses and let my soul speak for me. My soul apparently didn't have much to say. I stood by my door for what seemed like forever before finally deciding it was okay to go downstairs. What were the odds that I would see Nate out of everyone else in the rowdy crowd? Oddly enough, the chances were high.

I was three steps away from the bottom of the stairs and I had a view mostly everyone. It was no surprise when my eyes landed on Nate. He was holding a girls hand and leading her down the hall. I barely saw the girl, but I saw enough to have known that she was pretty and very much unlike me.  

I wonder if he heard about the incident and my time in the basement. Did he worry for me? Did he miss me?

Through all the sexual activities and hard partying, Nate's gaze somehow managed to find mine. His eyes flashed an unnatural color and then he turned away from me. The last thing I saw was Nate and the girl opening a door and locking themselves in a room. Together.

Probably to have sex.

The voice spoke again and for once, I agreed with it. It seemed to realize my acceptance because it went on.

He'll never have sex with you. Because you're an ugly, pathetic, goth freak. Time to face the facts. Don't wallow in pain.

The voice had said I was meant for death and that I would soon belong to it. But I didn't want to wait any longer. I was done.

"Take me to death." I whispered softly. I knew the voice would hear it. And it did.

I edged past the crowds and headed for the back door. I stepped outside and allowed the cool breeze to wash over my skin. The moon was shining brightly in the night sky and I wished I had my camera. I hadn't worn any shoes, which left me barefoot and feeling the little blades of grass tickle in between my toes.

"What now?" I asked the voice, out loud.

Come into the forest. Follow me...

The forest almost looked scary with its harsh shadows and darkness. But I wasn't phased. After the basement, nothing got through to me. I was dead inside. So I entered the thick forest and didn't look back. Right away, distorted whispers came from my left and I followed it. The whispers eventually got louder and louder until I was so deep in the forest, I was amazed by what I had found.

A lake was before me. The moon reflected upon its still surface and the water looked like ink. It was so dark and dreary. Like me.

Follow me...Lily...

My mind was in such a haze and everything ached inside of me. My eyes felt dry and I wanted to close them forever. I complied with the voice's command. Somehow, I knew it was telling me to come into the water. As soon as my foot took its first step into the water, a ripple flowed through the whole lake and everything was suddenly silent. You couldn't hear any owls, animals, or crickets. It was dead silent.

Goosebumps spread along my skin like a wildfire and it was like I wasn't in my own body anymore. I felt disconnected and barely there as I took another step and another, sending myself deeper into the lake. Soon, the water rushed up to meet my waist. It chilled me to the bone. Literally. The water was icy cold yet I found pleasure in it. I wanted to be frozen forever. I wanted to numb myself with frosty ice and not feel any pain.

I distinctly thought I heard my name being called out, but I dismissed it was my imagination. No one cared about me. I was a mistake. I was a pathetic, ugly, goth freak and he would never accept me as his mate. Ever.  

Not to mention Xander was lost to me forever. I had no one.

With those final thoughts, I let myself fall deep into the water. My dress and hair flowed around me and I liked to think that I had a ghostly appearance. Beneath the waters surface, it was almost as if I'd been sucked into a black hole. I couldn't see anything through the murkiness of the lake.

Let go, Lily...let go...

I sucked in a breath and water rushed into me. A burning started in my lungs and my body's first instinct was to swim back up to the surface. But I held back from doing that.

I needed this. The voice was right. I needed to disappear. Breathing in the water like it was air, I let my vision fade to black spots and my lungs burst into flames until there was nothing.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

FAN, VOTE, COMMENT!

To put things simple, Lily just drowned herself. So...what do you think is gonna happen next? ;) This chapter was sort of short, I know. I'll try to make the next one longer!

Thanks for reading!!! :)