Michael Cliffords Rebel Sister

19: you're not sorry

APRIL

"Ha she thought I actually gave a shit about her existence. Stupid bitch" michael says punching me in the stomach.

"Ha yeah slut" Alex says kicking me in the ribs. I tried to get away but I couldn't move. I saw ash and cal. But they just joined in. Luke soon came too.
I looked around and saw myself. Dead in a dark concrete basement.

I jolt awake breathing heavily.
It was just a dream. I sigh.
Just a dream.

I flinch as I feel cals arm around me. I get up and walk into the kitchen. I haven't seen michael since the earlier events of today happened.

I grab a glass of water and sit cross leged on the counter by the window.
I can do this since I'm only 5.1 yeah Yeh. I know I'm small.

I look up at the clock and notice it's quarter past 3 in the morning. Crap.
I just sit there knowing there's no hope for me getting back to sleep.

I watch the stars for about an hour before going on the roof to watch the winter sun rise.

I didn't bother putting sweats on or a long sleeve shirt I simple climbed up in shorts and a tank top. Cuddling into one of ashtons jumpers.

I saw a cigarette on my window ledge and decided to light it up.

As I took a drag I wondered if my dream was showing how everybody really felt. Like they want me dead. I try to push that thought away but it stays fresh in my mind.

A gust of ice wind blew it's self over me making me shudder from the chills it gave me.

I looked at the time on my phone and noticed it was only 7 am. I don't really know what to do anymore. One second I'm happy the next I wanna die. I seriously thought I was getting better. But I'm way past being able to be fixed.

I literally have no feelings. I'm never hungry. I don't show anything twards my own brother anymore. I'm just lost.....

After a while I go back inside and sit on the opposite couch. The boys are all up and doing there own things.

"April do you wanna eat" ash asks.

I don't respond. I just stare at the wall in front of me.
"April. Hello earth to April" cal says clicking his fingers infront of me.

"Huh sure" I whisper quietly. I really don't feel like speaking today or ever.

"April are you feeling okay" luke asks.
Why would he care?

"April" the tall blonde says a bit louder.
"Sure" I reply blankly.

"April are you gonna eat?" Cal asks.

"Mhm" I mumble not breaking my gaze away from the wall.

"April ash died" luke says.
"Mhm" I hum.

"Hey" I hear ash pout.

After that the boys walk back to their rooms confused.

Ash

Something is up with April. I know she's going through a lot right now. But she's completely out of it.

I haven't seen mike in a while I'm gonna try to get him to talk to her.

I walk down the hall to his door and knock.

I hear a quiet 'come in' and enter the room.

I told mike about how she's been acting. He feels really bad about slapping her.

I'm not happy with him but we need to help April. She's like a little sister to me and I'm afraid one day we'll all wake up but she won't.

April

I went up to my room and decided to write a song. It's about suicide. It's what I plan to do. But I promised alex and I hate liars.

(Play song)

My mom wasn't always evil but that changed when michael joined the band. Every single lyric was the page of an unread book named my life.

Most things I wrote I've never told anyone. But it's the truth.

1 week later ♡

I Haven't said a full sentence in over a week and I can't find the paper I wrote my suicide song on. I hope nobody has it.

I also haven't eaten in a week. At all.
I know the boys talk about me but I just stay mute.

I walk into the kitchen and bump into someone. I look up and see michael.

I look back down and move along.
I feel a tug on my wrist and look back up.

"Please listen to me april" mike says.

I stare bluntly into his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he says.

"Don't lie to me" I whisper clearly hurt.

"I swear I'm not" he gulps. "I'm really sorry"

"No you're not" I whisper.

"Please listen" he begs.

"Why. Please tell me how worthless I am. Tell me why you slapped me. Tell me why you left me and forgot me. Give me one reason to stay breathing." I yell.

He stood there with watery eyes.

"Cuz I don't see a point" I say quietly.

After that I walk back upstairs.