Michael Cliffords Rebel Sister

28: this world just isn't my place

April

Cut
Cry
And
Sleep.

Those are the three things I do here. I gave up on trying to escape last week.

I've been here for 2 weeks tomorrow 3.
I haven't eaten since the day I got here. I suppose it's a good thing since I'm loosing weight.

Michael comes to visit every week but he's dead to me now.

Oh and alex broke up with me for no reason.

I have more scars on my body then I came here with.
I don't talk to any body and no one talks to me.

My 'therapist' still comes but all I do is sit in silence.

I found the song I wrote a while ago and decided that, today.
Today I'm going to end it.

I've had enough of crying I've had enough of being sad. I just want to die so at least I won't have to live like this.

Michael will be visiting today so I left a note for him along with my song.

I reached for my blade and began cutting. It's what I do best.

I cut 'I'm sorry' in the middle of my arm.

I cut about 10 more times before I had cut too deep. I lay in a sea of sadness as my final tear fell in the puddle of blood surrounding me.

Michael

Today I'm going to visit april. I decided that I'm going to take her home. She's been getting really skinny and won't talk to anybody.

I'm scared that if I make her stay any longer she's going to kill herself when she gets out.

I know I hurt her and I shouldn't have been so hard on her I just don't want her to do anything she'll regret.

I pull up to the entrance and they give me her room key.

I make my way to her room with a smile on my face. Hoping she'll forgive me I open the door.

I look up and see nothing. Where is she?

I step forward and almost fall to the ground.

I look down and see my baby sister in a sea of her own blood.

She looks incredibly under weight and has cuts up and down her arm. I look closely to her wrist and see the words 'I'm sorry' etched into her skin. I swallow the lump in my through as j try to yell for help but nothing comes out.

I should have listened to her I never should have brought her here.

I rush to her side and feel a very faint pulse.

"Help" I yell successfully this time.
I repeat my words as someone comes in.

"Call an ambulance" I scream as tears fall from my eyes.

I hold her hand but feel a piece of paper in it. I carefully take it from her grasp and unfold it to see its meant for me.

Dear michael,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry you hate me. I'm sorry I messed up your life from the day mom sent me on tour with you.

I'm just sorry. I can't belive you sent me to this prison even when I begged you not to.

But it's not your fault. You were just trying to help. Maybe if you'd have know it would only tear me apart more I would be playing GTA with you and the guys or eating pizza together. But it was just an honest mistake. And everyone makes them. But it's okay. I was one too.

I know I said you're dead to me but I guess since I'm gone. I still love you and you're my brother.

If there's anything you should know is that I truly didn't steal those braclets. Cindy put them in my purse.

I should have told you but you seemed so happy with her so I let it slip by.

I'll miss you And the guys.

Love April xx

By the time I finished I was full on sobbing. This is all my fault. I should have listened to her.

I should have believed her. She was my sister cindy was just some girl I met at a bar in the U.S.

I turned to see more writing on the back of the paper.

At the top it said 'suicide song'.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I read along.

(Watch the lyric video at the top cuz I'm to lazy to write out a whole song)

After reading that I don't know how I never noticed. I guess I'm just a horrible person.

The ambulance must have arrived since medics were running into the room and carried her into the ambulance.

I jumped in too and we were off.

Just saying this isn't the end of the story.
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