The Art Of Keeping Up Disappearances // Brallon

Mephistopheles

‡dallon's pov‡

Dallon: am i gay?

Frank: do you like boys?

Dallon: i like brendon

Dallon: a lot

Frank: im glad you finally realized that

Dallon: was it that obvious?

Frank: nope im just observant

Dallon: but does that mean im gay?

Frank: maybe you're bi. or pan

Dallon: what's pan? bc i talked to this girl once and she explained gay and bi but not pan

Frank: its when you don't care about someone's gender, whether they're girl boy trans or anything inbetween

Dallon: ok that kinda makes sense

Frank: my boyfriend is pan, which is basically the only reason i know what it is

Dallon: i might be bisexual

Frank: ok

Dallon: but i dont really know. i do know that i really like brendon

‡
suddenly, it was friday and I still hadn't talked to brendon. I had no clue what I was going to say to my soulmate who'd I'd just realized I loved. on the walk to school I kept glancing down at my arm hoping to see something and wondering if I should write anything. I decided against it.

at lunch, I sat next to frank, as usual, and he looked up at me. both of us waited for the other to speak so neither of us did. after a few moments, I said the first thing that popped in my head "who's your boyfriend?"

frank choked on air at the sudden question, and after a moment to gather himself responded.

"mikey way's brother," frank said then took a bite of salad.

"right you talked about him before," I remembered.

"yeah," frank smiled lightly and a small gleam lit up his eyes. "his name's gerard... he's pretty great."

"is that what I look like when I talk about brendon?" frank looked back up at me at my question, and was about to answer until ryan ran past us. I suddenly remembered his arms. during my class with him, I'd seen them. the hundreds of scars and fresh cuts, most horizontal but some were vertical like scratches from a vicious animal. I couldn't say anything to ryan, it wasn't my place, so I turned around to look at brendon just to find he was already looking at me.

"ryan needs your help" I wanted to tell him, but I didn't. not here, and not now. I shut my mouth, turned back around, and attempted to continue conversation with frank. he could tell I was distracted, but didn't say anything. frank's good like that.

‡

I got brendon's call and all I could think was brendon isn't okay. I didn't like him crying. I didn't like him sad. so I went over to his house and tried keeping him at bay with lies of "i hate you".

but then he was on my lap and we were kissing then he started rolling his hips down onto me but it was just too much. it all felt so good and honestly I loved it. but when brendon started lifting up my shirt I realized just what I was getting myself into. I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to have sex with brendon. so I started crying, it was all I could do. I couldn't stop him otherwise he could have gotten mad. if brendon was mad then he wouldn't love me and after just realizing my feelings for him I couldn't handle him not loving me. but brendon saw me crying, and I immediately fucking hated myself. how could I be so pathetic?