Dose Of Reality

Chapter 18: Annoyed.

Rant Chapter.

I am sick of being your second choice. I am so done trying to fight to have conversation with you. If I am not wanted in your life just say so. It would feel a hella lot better for you to just tell me to leave rather than just pushing me around. Rather than you leading me on making me believe that I mean something important to you. I get it. I'm not as good as your number one best friend but I am trying my best. If I am not pleasing you to your standards then tell me. I cannot read your mind. Shocker right? Do not just sit there making me believe that we are fine when we are not. I am not trying so hard to be friends with you for you to not put forth the effort. I am trying so hard and sometimes I get pissed. And guess what happens when I am pissed? A new chapter gets written because you do not realize how angry I am at you for always bailing and making me feel like I am not worth your time. But you know what? I still come back and still act like everything is good and dandy. I have a mindset that it will not keep happening or that things will change but you know what? Some things never change. I could mention it to you 1,000,000 times and you still would just blow it off like it was a meaningless thing. But I keep putting up with it because I believe in mistakes. I just keep forcing myself to believe that it is just another mistake. Why? I have no idea. How many times can I possibly tell myself that? How many times am I gonna torture myself into believing something different? I am not an idiot. I know the truth. I know that I am simply just a second choice which is fine. Although I would really appreciate if you did not make me feel so awful about being a second choice. I have done nothing but be there for you and support you. Yet you repay me by always showing me how much of a second choice I am to you. As if I do not know already. I have given you multiple second chances because I value our friendship for than my stupid emotions. I try not to let it bug me because I just keep hoping that I am overreacting and that it truly is nothing. That it really is not that big  of a deal and I just feel like it is. That one time things will be different. But you see my friend that is the thing about being a second choice is that second choices never get second chances. So if I were to make one wrong move out the door I would have to go then away goes the pesky second choice who tries to hard to be friends with people because she knows that there is good somewhere inside. The true question is where inside? And at what length would I have to go to get you to show that.

RANT OVER.

Note: This is a rant chapter so it is supposed to be choppy and disconnected,

Inspiration: People who make you feel like you are not good enough for them.

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I hope you are enjoying the book so far, if you are follow, vote, and comment. Stay Beautiful. Stay Positive. All my love, -Kaitlynn

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If you want a chapter written or dedicated to you post on my page. From there I will message you personally and we can talk.