thoughts ≠ sx

the faults of giving and no receiving

- i spend my life wanting.

wishing, is what i call it. i spend nights dreaming of some other place. meeting different people. my life going some other direction than the linear slope i've been given. i spend days hoping something happens, that someone will knock on my door or someone will call me unexpectedly. i dream of days with no anxiety when i'm stuck in bed because of a mental health issue that's chronic and that will literally plague me for the rest of my life. i dream of a better body, i wish for a better appearance.

i give. i give and give and i get nothing in return. i send text after text, i listen, i love wholeheartedly. and i get ignored. i get thrown to the curb, i get quieted. i talk to nobody, i speak to nobody, but yet, i talked to a friend five minutes ago.

i am nobody.

but to me? they are my everythings. i would give them my being. and i deserve everything in return, but i get nothing.

i get turned off read recepits and bitterness. i get no messages for a day. i get...i get absolutely nothing.

a carousel never stops spinning.