Healer

Hurtful Pride

So something told me I should call in at work today and they ended up firing me as soon as I said my name. Damn!

It's alright, I have plenty of money saved up. I'm just fine without working there.

I tried to get comfortable but Tyson ass was all on my thighs so it was hard for me to move.

"Bry Bry get up so I can get comfortable." I sighed when he ignored me and squeezed my thighs.

"Noo don't move! I'm comfortable," he groaned and I chuckled.

"Come on I'm hungry now," I was hungry and since I was up I might as well go get something to eat.

"Nah man!" his ass said while biting my thigh.

"OUCH! STOP STUPID!" I yelled.

"You need to stop yelling, Denver prolly sleep." he chuckled while rubbing the teeth marks he left on my thigh.

"Your so annoying." I pushed him off of me going to the kitchen and fixed a bowl of dry Frosted flakes.

I went back to the room closing the door and getting back in my spot. Tyson was laying at the edge of the bed with his mouth opened. I took a frosted flake throwing it in his mouth and watched him eat it.

"So what you gone do today?" He asked while getting comfortable on my thighs with his eyes glued to the phone.

"Ehh, Chill I guess. Nothing better to do." I shrugged.

"You need to be going out somewhere instead of being like Denver and I. I want to be able to go off on you for going out too much," he chuckled.

"I'm sure you'd love that but no. I don't like leaving the house its beyond annoying being surrounded by strangers that look at you like a caged animal," I rolled my eyes.

" You walk around with a 'fuck everybody' attitude that's why they got the police on stand by." he joked and I didn't find it funny at all.

"Whatever." I grabbed my phone and he took it out my hand.

"That's the shit I'm talm bout Lani." he huffed and I rolled my eyes.

"Give me my phone stupid!" he looked at me crazy and I laughed.

"Guuuurrrr who you callin stupid?? Don't make me have to getchu bihh!" he talked in a ghetto voice you know that stereotype black girl talk.

"Your so fucking annoying!" I chuckled while he started looking through my phone.

"Uh future hubby text you. It say..." he said and i looked at him while he cleared his throat, "Whssup Leilani I was wondering if we can get something to eat and talk about our 'Problem' if its cool wit you " he said in a hella deep voice that made me laugh.

"Block him for me." I said while chuckling.

"GLADLY!" he smiled then stopped, "Even though I don't want you wit the nigga, I think you should at least forgive him so you can finally move on."

I stared at him with a blank face, "Fuck you mean 'forgive him' I ain't forgiving shit!"

"Lani stop acting like you just this cold ass bitch." he said bluntly.

"News flash! I'm not acting." I grinned and he shook his head.

"You really not a cold bitch Leilani. So don't make yourself out to be something your not even close to." he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Just shut up and give me my fucking phone Bryson!" he sat up and looked me in the eyes.

"The only reason you like this is cause you still hurting and its understandable, but that don't mean take it out on someone who don't know shit about you Lani!" he yelled and I just looked at him with no emotion.

He doesn't know what the hell he is talking about!!

"Bryson just give me my phone I'm not gonna sit here and talk about this stupid ass shit again! Its done with FUCK HIM!" I yelled back and he had a shocked look on his face.

He eased up and nodded his head, "You know what be that way Lani, but I just want to know one thing."

"What?" I now had a full attitude.

"Did you ever act like this towards Giovanni? " he questioned and I just sat there speechless.

How dare he bring Giovanni into this?!!

In my head I was inflamed with so much anger. Why would he bring up Giovanni? He knows how I am about Giovanni and he brought him up over a sorry excuse for a 'man'. At the same time I was ashamed. I've never acted like this towards ANYONE. I was always a sweet and open person, well until 'that night'. Was i still hurting? Hell yeah! That's not why I act this way towards him. Is it?

I covered my face with my hands, I need a drink ASAP! !

"Lani its ok to feel hurt, but at the same time its not ok when you start hurting others." he rubbed my back and I stood up.

"I need some fresh air." I said bluntly while throwing on a shirt and some pants with my black Jesus slippers.

I took my phone out his hand walking out the door. I ain't know where the hell I was going but I knew I ain't wanna be here at the moment. As I walked I looked at my surroundings and its nothing that I'm used to. There were old beat down houses, dead plants while some trees were beaten up, glass in the street, and little kids running wild half naked. Talk about ghetto.

I looked back at the message with disgust. I freaking hate this nigga with a passion! Why does everyone feel like I'm in the wrong? Am I the only one that feel nothing but spite towards another human being? Or is it normal to feel like they shouldn't be alive? I felt so alone at this point. Everyone that i trust the most are kissing his ass and telling me I'm wrong for feeling the way I feel.

I sighed while letting a tear fall. I wish my mommy was here, I know she'd always be here for me. And Giovanni! They were the only people that really loved me. I just want them back, why did they have to be taken away from me anyways? Is it because I don't deserve the feeling of love? Or is it that I'm actually supposed to be left alone because I was bound to be hurt anyways?

Whatever it is i hate it! I just want to feel like myself again. I don't want to be a hateful person but my pride wants otherwise. I honestly hate my life! I hate that I'm still alive! Why couldn't it have been me that died that night? Why was it the people who deserved to live? Is it to taunt me? Is it to drive me to the point of suicide? Because right now I think I'm reaching that point.

I wiped my tear and before I knew it

BEEEEEEEPPPPP!!!!!!!