Healer

Yield the Silence

Its been two weeks that I've been at Omar's house. Ever since that day in the bathroom I haven't given him as many problems like i try not to be "stubborn". I just sit quietly doing what I am told.

This didn't mean we are all "Thas my best friend", but I guess you can say i have respect for him. He has me in his home and he is taking care of me. Even though I don't want to be here I'm still being 'taken care of'. I was ready for these few more weeks to pass so I can get back to my life. I wish my leg would hurry up and heal but the doctor says "take your time with it, you'll get better," but I don't want to 'take my time' I want to be able to move freely on my own. My hand wasn't as much of a problem though, as long as it was cleaned and wrapped it was good.

I sighed while staring at the ceiling. I wonder if my mama is watching me. Does she have a smile on her face or a frown? Is she concerned or just there?

I noticed through those whole three years I barely thought about my mother and I not once even cared to think about demarcus. Sometimes I wished Demarcus was alive so I could kill him over and over again, but that's what hell is for. It wasn't to be evil its just how I feel point blank. Sometimes I look at Omar and think maybe there was someone else I hated more than him.

Suddenly the door cracked open and Omar walked in, "Hey, How you feelin' "

I didn't say anything. No it wasn't to be spiteful I just didn't have anything to say to him. I was embarrassed, I was hushmouthed, and worse I was wrong. Yeah I'll admit I was wrong for being like that towards him, but its whatever.

"Still don't want to talk, its aight I understand." he unwrapped my hand and started cleaning it without another word.

I wanted to say something, but what was there to say? I'm sorry for being a rude bitch to you because you disrespected my dead boyfriend. No matter what it was I'd still sound dumb in the end.

"Aight, I'll be back in a few to getchu fed &' ready fah bed" with that he walked out.

Leaving me in silence again. Like I once said I do love the silence but sometimes it backfires. I just sit there and all the thoughts of what kind of person I am stacks up in my mind to where I can't take it. Maybe its the meds, or the different environment, but whatever it is i don't like it.

Was i the only person who sat there and got disgusted with their own personality? If that's the case then I just don't know what else there was for me to say. Its like I hate myself, but I don't want to. I used to love looking at myself in the mirror, admiring my beauty on the inside and out, but now its like I can't even look at myself without cringing. I guess that was another one of Giovanni's pros, he made me feel flawless one hundred percent of the time. Without him I have no type of confidence what so ever. How I can Love someone else and don't even love myself?

I sighed and rubbed my head with my eyes closed,

I need help but I don't want it.

I don't want to look like I'm just the weakest person to ever walk on earth, but I am shattered on the inside. I can't get myself right and i just don't know what to do other than to give up.

I heard the door open and Omar was standing there shirtless, "How you feeling?"

Every time I saw his tattoos I was speechless. They are absolutely breath taking, his body is a work of art I just wished he chose wise words before speaking.

"Well I was just checking on you, just let me know when you ready to shower." he was about to walk out but I stopped him.

"Um..Wait," he looked back in shock. I guess he wasn't expecting any response, yeah I was a bitch.

"Yeah?"

"I actually want to get refreshed now." I said lowly but loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh, Uh Aight. " he walked over to the right side of the bed gently picking me up.

He carried me all the way to the bathroom carefully sitting me on the toilet while starting some water.

"I ain't think you was gone talk." he whispered but loud enough for me to hear.

"Me either."

The room soon only had the sound of running water and it was actually quite soothing at the time. It was better than the awkward silence we would've been sitting in.

"Um..I..Uh," I struggled while he just looked at me fumble with my words, "I apologize for being such a bitch."

He smiled, "Already have been forgiven."

I smiled and just sat in silence for the rest of my bath time.

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Ok this chapter was actually meant to be short because the next one is going to be Hella long but hope you enjoyed.

😘💜✨