To Be In Love Or Not

Chapter 1 - Audition Invites

~ Audition Invites (Chapter 1) ~ 

[[ Blaine's Point Of View ]] 

" Hey there Delilah, 

What's it like in New York City? 

I'm a thousand miles away, 

But girl, tonight you look so pretty. 

Yes you do.. 

Times Square can't shine as bright as you, 

I swear it's true.. " 

I sang remembering what Rachel, Kurt's closest friend had told me on the last day of school with the same snobby tone she usually had whenever she talked to me.. 

"Hey Blaine! Guess what? Oh wait you can't guess, but anyway's.. Kurt's moving in with me! We're both going to New York, obviously, and clearly Kurt didn't get accepted into NYADA but, Vogue asked to have an interview a couple nights after we settle in!” 

With her annoying voice plastered into my mind the memory continued, “So basically me and Kurt are becoming famous, and honestly I doubt you'd care, but I felt you should really know what's happening in Kurt's life, because the day you cheated on him.. Surely you thought he'd be knocked to the ground for good. But like any other person with talent like him, he wasn't. I hope you’re happy with what you've done for Kurt. I mean, he could have been even better if he hadn't even met you because he would have practiced more and all, but really if you hadn't hurt him, then none of this would be happening. Well actually, it probably would have but still.. We're leaving tonight so don't expect anything from him or, from me." 

Ever since that night she'd talked to me like that, and I really couldn't blame her because I had not only hurt Kurt, but I had practically killed him inside and out. I had heard from Finn that he didn't eat as much as he was supposed to any more, and he barely slept most nights. I had even learned that whenever Kurt did sleep.. He cried himself to sleep.  

I saw him at school though, since it had been a week before the last week of school when we broke up.. God that hurts to say, or even think about, but it's honestly what I get for what I did. 

Either way whenever I saw him at school he always seemed to just be laying his back against the locker along with his eyes closed and his head gently placed against it as well. As if he'd been waiting for the day to end. 

A tear trickled down my cheek as another flashback came to from when I had slept over at Kurt's because I'd had too much to drink at the Senior’s Prom, and only because Puck had spiked the punch bowl as usual, when he came with Becky. 

Only a day after that night, Kurt and I had both been a total mess being on pretty much a total hangover. It was Saturday anyways, so we didn't have much to do really but we had both decided to go out for coffee. 

Surprisingly, Kurt hadn't done anything with his hair so neither did I, so I left with my crazy curls and Kurt just left with his hair untouched by products. But he'd looked beyond beautiful like that, as much as he would most likely argue, he did.

But seeing him against his locker like that.. It made me think of how much pain he was in and how much I had hurt him, how I wrecked him. Yes, it's the completely wrong time to think of the song, but I barely want to think about any of this. Yet I just can't stop thinking about him.  

And what I had done to him. 

I closed my eyes tight and stared at the beige guitar in my hands. It was a year after Kurt had gone to New York with her or so Rachel said, and I was stuck in San Francisco inside of my new apartment.

It was pretty big.. 

At least I thought it was compared to the size of my house back in Ohio or even Kurt's old house. 

Sighing, I tried thinking of some good things that had happened to me instead of Kurt.. 

I graduated from McKinley.. And I had been invited to some audition for a Christmas Musical, after doing this showcase with a somewhat friend named Shirley.. 

I never bothered to look at where or when, but now that I think of it, it would probably be a whole lot better than lecturing myself as usual. I got up off the burgundy wood floor and stood up straight looking around me. 

Trust me, I would have preferred Kurt over any of this..

I stared at the bed layered with white sheets and green floral designed blankets. I quickly looked away and went over to a large navy guitar case and gently laid my guitar into it. Speedily though I closed it, latched the small silver locks, and then went over to the short cream bedside table.  

Glaring at the snow white letter, I picked it up and then jumped onto the bed laying on my back with the paper still in my hands. I got a bit comfortable and opened it up. 

Slowly and carefully, I began to read it.. 

To Mr Anderson, 

We have gotten by far amazingly talented people but if we must say you caught our eyes. Your voice was exceptionally good and we must say we're impressed and want to all invite you to audition for a Christmas Musical in which we would all most definitely agree, your voice would fit perfectly in any role. The more important information needed to be given to you will be below such as ; The dates, The place, and The calls you'd need to make to set it up. Please consider this opportunity as it may or may not happen again. And please do not hesitate to ask any further questions when calling the number again, below. 

I breathed in deeply and looked down below at the date and address letting the air out.. 

Sunday December 15th for the Auditions

Wednesday December 18th until Sunday December 22nd for the Rehearsals

Saturday December 23rd is the official date unless it is moved which we will call if this does happen 

Great, I'm free all of those days.. 

Now I'd just have to see where it's at and what the phone number was to call. Then, I'd finally have my mind off of Kurt. Which was going to always be impossible but at least I'd have something to do instead of staying inside all day, playing my guitar, and singing about him and only him. 

I've been ignoring everybody and pushing them away so far to the point where I'd really yelled at Sam, my very best friend, for thinking that everything was actually going to be okay! 

My head just started to hurt when I thought about it.  

"Sam nothing is okay! I cheated on Kurt and now I've lost him!? I don't know what to do with my life anymore! I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I barely even gel on weekends! He was everything to me and now that he's gone I-I have nothing! I am nothing!" 

I frowned, and breathed in once more deeply, then let it out. My eyes widened and my mouth started to form just a small smile, almost as if my face was lit up now seeing the place. 

34th Avenue, Jackson Heights, Queens, NY 11372