I sat, frozen on a cushioned chair I pulled out of my vanity desk an hour ago. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the armrests tighter. The chair I was on faced the telephone that I had bolted to the wall of my living room. This phone had a blinking light that told me I had messages that were due to be listened to, but I didn't need to click. I heard them all.
I just didn't have the guts to pick up.
And as I had for the last hour, I simply stared at the phone when it unsurprisingly rang again. It rang. And rang. And rang some more, until inevitably going to voice mail.
"Hi Seige! I'm calling about some rumors I heard about you today. Cat swore on her soul that she heard Tyler tell Ingrid that he heard Jack telling Louis(FunforLouis) that he heard some girl tell Finn that you've become a YouTuber. I want to hear it from you so call me when you can. Bye!" was Phil's rather confusing message. He was the 7th caller in the last hour, never mind the several hours before that.
I heaved a calming breath, comforting myself with the thought that I won't deal with any of this until I really have to.
I wasn't surprised with Phil's message at all because everyone I knew that he mentioned, called me themselves earlier: Cat, Tyler, Ingrid, Jack, Louis and of course, Finn along with several other friends.
Sadly, I didn't have the balls to answer any one of them.
I'm still trying to get over the fact that, this isn't at all how I pictured it. When I thought of what it would be like when I finally join the band of YouTubers, I thought I would be at ease among my friends. I did not anticipate any moment where I would have to stand alone with several spot lights glaring at me; waiting for me to accept the birthright.
Figuratively, this is that moment.
But truthfully, it isn't the vlogging itself that petrifies me... but my friends. You see, they're already great at this and I... well, I spent an hour and a half last night retaking my greeting to an audience that isn't even there. Granted, I only did this to referee the Vlogger War but there's just something terrifying about the thought of my friends seeing me on camera and detecting the flaws in my performance.
I've never been more insecure in my life. What if they don't think I'm good enough? That would just be sad because as crazy as it may seem, I loved vlogging.
There's something about the thought of reaching out to people that fascinates me.
The phone rang once more; pulling me out of my contemplation. This time I was almost gonna do it, I was almost gonna answer.
Almost.
"Seige" the lack of emotion in Finn's voice scared me "This is my 26th message. I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know why you refuse to talk to me. If you feel like being alone, then fine. Be alone. I won't come home there tonight..."
Finn's calls were always the hardest to ignore. His first few went somewhat like "Some people are telling me you've started vlogging. I keep telling them you would've told me if you did.", then it progressed to "Can we talk? The group's been buzzing about you becoming a YouTuber. I don't know what to tell them" then it spiraled down to "Someone just sent me a link! I saw a video of you! Will you call me?"
All boiling down to this one, the message he was making right now.
I shot up as soon as I heard I won't come home there tonight.
Woah there mister, that's another issue.
Man sure knows his threats.
I picked up the receiver in a flash "Come home"
