*Hello my lovelies. Did you miss me? I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm a little rusty. go easy on me. :) <3
SEIGE'S POV
Let me start off by saying... everything seems like a good idea when you're drunk.
I suppose it’s a trance that some people (including myself in this particular situation) choose to go under for some reason (I'm still trying to figure out mine).
I don't remember the exact point, during the festivities, when I decided to turn on the water works. I wasn't even aware that a tiny person such as myself could cry this much.
This sort of cry isn't even the demure sobs of a disappointed lady; this is the deafening wail of a brat who didn't get her way.
Under the dim blue lights and the ear-splitting music blaring from the amplifiers, a dozen pairs of eyes (maybe more) were fixed on me as I held a fistful of a random guy's shirt... with him still in it.
Everything seemed blurry; like watching a 3D movie without the 3D glasses.
The guy squiggled in his place; trying to wriggle away from me. Now, it’s easier to think that I'm just pissed drunk rather than accept the fact that I've gone mental. But the truth is, it's a bit of both. I did have a motive for doing what I was doing... now, if I could only remember it everything would be perfect.
"Give him back to me!! Give him back!! GIVE HIM BACK TO ME! I'll do anything!" I wailed hoarsely at the guy's face. Again, not sure why.
"SEIGE!" a thunderous voice echoed from behind me. The music stopped as I turned to see Finn descending the stairs, submitting himself to the darkness of the place. "THAT'S ENOUGH!" he continued sternly
It seemed like a good idea to ignore him completely and turn back to my prisoner, so I did. "GIVE HIM BACK TO ME! I'LL DIE IF YOU DON'T"
Tears streamed down my face relentlessly. Again, no clue.
"Seige!" Finn got a hold of my wrist and yanked it pretty hard; giving the random guy enough room to escape my grasp "I SAID ENOUGH!"
"He escaped. Seize him!" I said mightily; pointing to the guy as he ran out the doors.
Ahehe...ahe.
Let me back up a little.
To how this situation came to pass.
It all started yesterday...
Mason and I had just flown back from Paris. He insisted that I continue staying at his place so I did. We hadn't even unpacked yet when his phone started blaring.
"Tyler" he spoke to the phone but looked at me warily as if to say am I holding the right phone?
I shrugged; genuinely boggled by the fact that my best friend was calling him.
After a few uh-huhs, he finally clicked it off. "Tyler wants to drop by"
I would be lying if I said I was pleased to know that he was dropping by here, at Mason's apartment; begging the idea that he wants to speak to both of us... not just me. But it’s not like I could say anything without coming off as a bitch; so a few minutes later (a time that made me question whether or not this was one of those hey-neighbor! visits; New York and L.A. aren't exactly neighbors after all) I greeted Tyler with one of my warmest hugs but then gave him the stink eye right after.
Afterwards, as expected... he was more interested in getting on Mason's good graces than catching up with me. I tried to give him a subtle look that would sum up my confusion but he seemed unfazed. What's he playing at?
It wasn't long before I was sat on the kitchen counter; tapping my fingers on the marble surface impatiently, excluded from the conversation. I watched as Mason and Tyler laughed and talked for a little over 15 minutes. The two of them stood by the window; rather engrossed in their topic and completely oblivious to me.
"Oh I almost forgot," Tyler transitioned smoothly; beckoning me over. I hopped out of my spot and approached hesitantly.
"I wanted to ask you to join me on a weeklong vlogger convention" Tyler smiled coolly; seeming nonchalant as I stared at him suspiciously, gauging his ulterior motives. "In Florida"
Mason caught my eye and subtly shook his head no.
Okay, I'm not spineless and I don't usually take orders from boys... but so far, Mason knew what was best for me so I had no choice but to sigh and say "Sorry Ty, I can't"
He seemed unsurprised by my response. He knew this was coming.
"Mason," he began jokingly like they were so chummy. "Come on... She's a YouTuber now. I know she's your girlfriend but doesn't that fact give you so much more reason to be supportive of her career?"
Aha, Tyler was using one of his double ended blades: By saying girlfriend he was aiming to compliment Mason on a job well done... but on the other hand, Tyler was also guilt tripping him for not being supportive. I bit my tongue back to stop myself from objecting to the girlfriend statement.
Mason hesitated; weighing his options. I don't know why I didn't intervene yet. "Well, will he be there?"
As if by some unknown force we all cringed; we all knew who Mason was referring to as he.
"Don't worry," Tyler recovered and chuckled lightly "I checked the sign up list... they weren't on it."
A grin slowly spread across Mason's face "Good. Then I'm okay with it"
For some reason, I didn't like the way Mason said it. I suddenly felt like an object.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute..." I struggled to hide my irritation "Didn't any of you ever think that I may not want to go to this thing??"
"Well... I assumed that you'd be eager to spend time with your fabulous best friend!" Tyler's eyes narrowed at me.
Again with the guilt trip.
"I am but--"
"Great!" he cut in "We should go back to your apartment to pack!"
I rolled my eyes at the way he was dismissing me "When is this thing anyway?"
"It’s the day after tomorrow" he smiled sheepishly.
"What?!" Mason all but grabbed Tyler by the neck. Before he could, I thought it best to cut in
"It sounds like a great opportunity... so I daresay we have to leave now to catch a flight to California... then pack... and then catch another flight to Florida, is that correct?" I stated; watching Tyler slowly hide his face behind a book he was holding.
"Yes" he admitted "I'm sorry, but girl you have to fucking admit it's been a fucking while since we hung out. Plus it’s a great opportunity to meet your subscribers"
"Oh Tyler" I shook my head in disbelief "Fine. Just give us a minute"
"Yes!! I'll wait outside" he grinned; then exited through the front door.
"Are you mad?" I inquired in a small voice; meeting his eyes.
"Of course not," Mason said quietly but his expression suggested otherwise "I just don't want you getting hurt again"
"Don't worry," I held his face in my hands "I won't. I can guarantee it."
>>>
The flight to L.A. was quicker than I expected; I was relieved that everything went off without a hitch considering all of it was completely last minute.
Other than that, the only thing that bothered me was that instead of catching up with me (which I assumed he was ecstatic about), Tyler was awfully quiet... and fidgety. Like he was almost... nervous about something.
Every time I tried to ask what bothered him; he deflected it, giving me a twitchy shrug or a shaky nod.
"You're being completely out of character and its worrying me. You look nervous. Tyler Oakley does not get nervous. You aren't capable of it even if you wanted to" I ranted as he quietly followed me to the front door of my apartment.
"Please" he had an attempt at being smug which only made him look more I-will-have-a-seizure-any-moment-now "I ain't nervous. I'm simply tired from all the air travel. Before visiting you in New York, I was in a couple of places too. My jet lag has jet lag"
"If you say so" I nodded; fumbling my bag for the key. What sat inside was astonishing; the entire apartment was filled with withering flowers. Every surface that could possibly hold a vase or bouquet was occupied; the tables, chairs, shelves, top of the refrigerator, counters... they all held a variety of flowers. Not that there was much to appreciate, considering that everything was already dead.
"Uh... yeah. I think Finn still has your key."
"Gee, I wonder what gave you that idea." I rolled my eyes; feeling something beneath my shoes. I stepped back to find my necklace.
The F necklace; lonely and neglected on the floor... where I left it.
Hello, my love.
I quickly picked it up; unable to take the thought of it sitting on the floor all these weeks. The pendant rested on my palm as I debated its fate.
Is it the box, the closet or the garbage?
I shuddered.
Without fully realizing; I already put it back around my neck.
I looked over at Tyler as I fastened the clasp; he had a huge grin on his face... one that he decided to immediately hide when our eyes met. He instantly pretended to look around the house.
"I know what you're thinking and I can tell you now, it isn't what it looks like"
"Hey, I didn't say a thing" he shrugged.
"Okay then," I pulled my hair up in a ponytail "you can do whatever you want while I clean up a bit and pack. I have to empty my fridge... I haven't been back here since..."
"Okay" he agreed quickly; like me, unwilling to reminisce.
Walking through my apartment again, I felt strange. Wherever I looked, I only remembered the things that happened. I could see myself crying in the living room, Mason bursting through the front door, Finn in the bed room holding a vase of withered flowers.
Wait... what??
I let out a piercing scream that had Tyler rushing in.
My Finn illusion; screamed in shock too... and fell back then tripped over a giant cardboard box.
There was a loud crash as he fell flat on the floor, squishing the box underneath him; I could only stare.
"Tyler... I can see Finn... Can you see him too?" I said to Tyler who had his mouth gaped.
"Of course I can see him idiot! That's really him! Come on and help me" he shouted as we rushed over to Finn, who groaned.
"Oh god, am I dead?" he said as we sat him on the bed.
"I didn't mean to scream, I'm sorry! I thought you were a burglar or something. What are you doing here??" I detected the panic still present in my voice; somehow the urge to be mad at him for everything was overpowered by the urge to check if he's alright.
"Didn't know when you'd return... so I change the flowers every week" Finn groaned; his hand travelling to his back. I followed it with my eyes, only to gasp in shock.
"Oh my god, you're bleeding!"
"Shit. Shit. Shit" Tyler was absolutely frantic "I'll get a first aid kit"
"It's in the kitchen" I called after him before turning back to Finn.
He smiled at me in a pained sort of way "Hi, Seige"
"You're an idiot" I scolded; surveying his bloody shirt. I cringed at the sight.
All this happened because he changes the flowers every week. He changes them every fucking week.... to surprise me.
I didn't have a response for that.
No girl will ever have a proper response to that.
I didn't even realize that I grabbed the end of his shirt and was lifting it up... until a hand stopped me.
"I'm okay, don't worry about it" he smiled
To surprise myself even more, I jerked his hand off "I need to take it off so I can see your back. There must be shards of glass from the vases"
"But--"
"But what?" I said impatiently.
"It hurts" he practically whimpered.
I felt kinda bad; after all it was my fault for screaming like a retard.
"Don't worry. It's going to be alright" I sighed; lifting his shirt up.
Now, I know he's in pain. And it’s my fault. And he's a cheater. And he's my ex. And I'm supposed to hate him... but I also have no cure for the fact that I'm desperately in love with him. And he's in front of me now...
So I was a little... distracted, if you will.
Just because he's in front of me and not because I'm stripping him or anything. No, not at all. Absolutely not. Impossible.
"Your hands are shaking" he pointed out with a smile hinting on his lips.
"One more word and I'll push the shards in" I glared up at him before carefully pulling the shirt over his head.
He chuckled but said nothing.
I grabbed a pair of tweezers from by bedside drawer and climbed the bed; moving behind him on my knees.
The sight was ghastly. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from shouting.
There were tiny shards of glass all over his back; the blood from each puncture trickled freely down and was absorbed by the fabric of his jeans.
"I'm so sorry" I said in a small voice. As low as my tone was, I still heard the crack in my voice.
"Hey it's okay," he rubbed my arm comfortingly. "You were shocked. You aren't to blame."
Yes, he said that... but after half an hour of wincing and clutching the sheets to stop himself from screaming, I was afraid to ask if he still wasn't mad.
"There. Finished" I said; smoothing out the last band aid on his back.
"Thank you" he replied; just about to grab his shirt but stopped with a disgusted look at them.
"Wait... I think I still have some of your clothes here"
My own words made me stop and realize everything that was momentarily forgotten.
I slowly walked over to my dresser and pulled it open. Everything was still there; like nothing changed. Like nothing happened.
But everything happened.
I pulled out one of his shirts and a pair of his jeans, then reluctantly handed it to him.
Our eyes met for a brief moment; for barely a second he held my gaze... but it was enough for both of us to be reminded of reality.
"You should change and be on your way. Also, you shouldn't bring flowers here anymore. I don't even stay here" I kept my head down.
"Seige, come on..." he began to protest but Tyler chose the moment to cut in.
"Finn," he jerked his head "It isn't time yet. Just go."
It was clear in his face that Finn wanted to protest but luckily, he thought against it and disappeared to the bathroom.
"A..are you okay?" Tyler stood in front of me; resting a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, fine" I tried to smile; glancing at the bathroom door. "I...uh... just need a minute; will you walk him out?"
"Sure" he nodded.
When Finn got out Tyler immediately ushered him out the front door, which was just as well because the tears were at the brim of my eyes.
I hugged a pillow tightly; biting into it to prevent my sobs from being heard.
He filled my apartment with flowers and changes them every week.
Every fucking week.
Oh god.
How can Finn be perfect and horrid at the same time?
I lay on the bed; burying my head in the pillows as I cried... and cried.
"Honestly, I'm getting tired of seeing you like this" I turned to see Tyler by the door. He looked at me with pity "Seeing both of you like this"
"I'm okay." I croaked; wiping the tears with the back of my hand as I slid out of the bed. "I'll pack now so we can get a move on."
And so, he left me to it; I think partly because he just didn't want to watch me sob relentlessly as I pried open my drawers. The insane state I was in continued as I finished packing and rid my apartment of perishable goods. We were strapping my stuff in the trunk of my car when the last of my tears slowly crawled down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry I'm being like this" I felt the need to say to Tyler as he climbed in the driver's seat.
"Hey, it's no problem. You're my best friend in sickness and in health girl. There ain't nothin' you can ever do to scare me away" he laughed.
"Still, I promise I'll be better company from here on out" I smiled slightly; it was all I could manage.
During the trip to Florida; I couldn't bring myself to suddenly be upbeat and quirky... but I tried. Tyler showed immense patience with me but I could see the concern in his eyes; like he had half a mind to start knocking on my forehead screaming 'Anybody home?'
"You know Seige," Tyler sighed as the plane settled into a steady pace in the air. I had my eyes closed, beside him. "I feel like I'm losing you."
"What do you mean?" I jerked upright; hurt by his words.
"I feel like... we don't talk to each other anymore. I know I made a mistake avoiding you when you chose Finn," he sighed as I cringed at the mention of Finn's name. Tyler seemed to struggle to put his emotions into statements "but now... every time I feel like I'm about to reconnect, you slip through my fingers. You have this look in your eyes these days, like you've... I dunno... given up"
"I'm sorry" I sighed; for some reason, I wasn't denying or objecting to his words. "I guess I look like that because I have given up. I say this in a completely not-about-to-perish-from-depression sort of way. I've just woken up I guess. I've realized that there are no Prince Charmings in real life; it's just the guy that sucks more and the guy that sucks a little less. It’s something that I can’t change.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way” he pulled me closer so I could rest my head on his shoulder.
“What I can change though, is how I’ve been treating you and the gang” I spoke slowly; relaxing beside him, letting him cradle my worry for just a moment “cutting you guys off and disappearing with Mason were stupid moves. I’m sorry. But I couldn’t… breathe. I couldn’t feel that day. I just needed someone who could hate Finn for me… cos heaven knows I can’t do that myself. But I’m back now.” I picked up my tone; not wanting to act contrary to my words “You and I are back at the beginning Tyler. Finn is…” I trailed off; failing to choke the words out. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t finish that sentence. Giving up, I took a deep breath and restarted “You’re pulling me out of my quiet life again; forcing me to come to some sleazy convention again---“
“You’re right!” he laughed; looking as if he suddenly realized how right I was “Girl, it’s you and me again!”
“Yeah,” I smiled “This time let’s keep it that way”
But the happiness that swelled inside me didn’t last long. As soon as we arrived at the convention center I realized that it would be exactly like the first time.
With Tyler in tow, I stepped into the carpeted conference room; actually feeling excited about the meet up. That was, of course, before the organizer handed me a list of the YouTubers joining me in this momentous event.
As soon as I saw the name Finn Harries written in his script, all the other names faded away.
“Seige, what’s wrong?” Tyler nudged me.
I struggled to take my eyes off Finn’s name and look at Tyler. He looked genuinely baffled by my sudden immobility.
“You promised me Tyler.” I heard my voice shake “You promised he wouldn’t be here”
My voice was fading; I could hear it. Just as I felt everything inside me fading out.
“and he isn’t” Tyler countered
But it was too late. I barely heard him.
“I’ll..uh.. see you later” I shoved the clipboard at his chest “I need a drink”
Aaaand that’s what brought me here to this bar; looking into Finn’s eyes.
Exactly like the beginning.
