The next few days are all blur. All I can think about is her. It takes everything in me not to enter her studio when I pass through it. I don't want to relive the past memories, but these days I am tempted to. School doesn't help at all. Studies are hectic and on top of that, the constant nagging feeling of depression makes it worse all over. Judgemental stares get worse day by day, which only makes me more conscious of myself. Annora tries her best to help me through, but all I want to do is sit in one corner and cry all my emotions out. Emotion. Something I haven't had since her death. Her death ruined me. I didn't want to believe in anything or anyone. My world became colorless, I was in a daze. My father became more of a stranger day by day. I thought everything's going to be alright as Harry was helping me. But, just like I dreaded something came and bit mess. *** As I walking through these hallways, all I feel is nostalgia. All those memories resurface in front of me, making me feel sick. I try my best to not to look at the studio, which is tempting me to walk towards it. Don't. Adira, Just don't. My mind screams. All my self-control wears off as my feet carry me toward the studio. I walk inside, and I am shocked to see the studio clean and not full of dust, as it was left untouched since her death. Who cleaned it up? The paintings remained intact, despite all these years. And what shocks me further is the large painting still hanging. That painting which once meant everything to me. I can't help but chuckle in disbelief looking at how happy I was then, in the painting. I still remember how many memories that painting held.
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That painting was of me and my mamá in the beach, during the time when we were in Santa Cruz. I remember how much fun we had in the waters, the way the smile never left my face. That day, me and my mamá built a sand castle, which I remember perfectly, I was very proud of. My mamá painted that scene later and presented it to me, and since then it became my favourite work of hers'. "What are you doing here?" A voice jolts me. I turn to look at that person, and my gut twists when I see it is my dad. "Dad." I greet him with a nod, my voice clipped. What is he doing here? "Nice to see you, Adira. Though I must say I am pretty shocked to see you here." He comments, his eyes scanning me. "I could say the same thing to you." I tell him. I grit my teeth. "You must be knowing that I do come to the studio often?" He asks, feigning confusion. He knows damn well that I don't even care about his existence, then why would I care about his whereabouts? "No, I don't. I find it rather funny that you would want to be in your ex- wife's studio. And not to forget, she's dead." I sneer. "I loved her, Adira." He says. "Loved. Past tense. Great. What changed? Your new wife? Who I think is nothing more than a gold digger?" "Enough, Adira. Not a word more." He warns. I walk a few steps forward. "I will speak. Afterall, the reason why I am facing hell is you." "You brought it up yourself, Adira. I tried to help you out of depression, but you never listen to me." I scowl at him. "Seeking help from a person who is also the reason why my mother is dead? No thanks." He fists his hands and says, "How many times must I tell you that I am not the reason for what happened to her!" "Don't you dare try to act like the innocent one, you know very well who's the reason for her death, and it's none other than you." I yell. "It's not my fault that I didn't love her anymore. I found someone else, someone who made me happier than your mom can ever do." He snaps. I feel the tears wetting my cheeks. "How could you? What kind of a heartless soul you are? She loved you so much, she dedicated her every single part, every single day to you. Yet you did this to her? Because of you, I have lost the person I've loved the most. All because of your selfishness." My dad's wipes away his tears and says, "I am so sorry, Adira. I really am. I never meant it to happen, Adi." I glare at him, "Sorry doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make everything okay." "Adi, please listen-" He starts but I am cut him off. "You listen, I don't want to ever hold a conversation with you, and breathe the same air as you without wanting to punch you. So, I suggest you to mind your own business while I do mine." I start to walk away, but his voice stops me in my tracks. "I thought we will still have an healthy relationship, Adira. Afterall that happened, I never in my wildest dreams thought that our relationship between both of us will be in its worst state." He says, his voice sad. How is it that he makes me so angry? "Well, you should've thought about before being selfish. You should've known that there will never be a healthy relationship between us after her death. And we can never get along." I tell him, and I walk away, trying to find my peace. *** Somehow I ended up at Harry's doorstep. When I thought that I wanted peace, I never knew that I wanted Harry. In short span, he really did get to me. I knock on door and a few seconds later, Harry opens the door, panting like a dog. "Adira? What-" He was cut off however, when I placed my lips on his. My hands were around his neck, bringing him down to me. He didn't respond at first, still in shock and confusion by my arrival. After a few seconds, he puckered his lips, returning my kiss. With that, I kissed him harder. He places his hands around my waist, and hauls me closer to him, and deepens the kiss. My body seems to be on fire, when he traces his tongue along my lower lip. With all that's going through my head, one thing I was sure about is that, I wanted him. He lingers for a few moments and then pulls away, out of breath. His cheeks all flushed and his lips all puffy. "What was that for?" He asks. I blush. "I just missed you, that's all." He smirks at me. "Missed me, eh?" I roll my eyes. "Don't get too cocky now." He laughs, but then turns silent. "Not to make you feel unwelcomed but, why are you here?" My smile fades away at that and I just say, "Let's not worry about it. It's not that important." He stares at me for a good one minute, as if debating whether to ask me what happened lr not. I raise my eyebrow, challenging him. He knows very well that if he asks me questions, it wouldn't end well. He sighs, defeated and takes a seat on the sofa. "Can I ask you a question?" I look at him and shrug. "Yeah, sure." He fiddles with fingers, probably a nervous habit. He seems uncertain whether to ask me or not, his uncomfortable posture gives it off. "What are we, Adira?" I freeze in my spot at his question. "Wh-What?" I stutter. He sighs deeply. "Are we friends? Or we more?" He asks straightly. My eyes widen and I shiver out of nervousness. Honestly, I don't know at which stage we are. All I know is that right now I am not ready for a relationship. Relationships never held any importance to me. "I-I don't know, Harry." "What do you mean? Do you not want us together?" "No, I don't want to be in a relationship." The look on his face tells me that he saw this coming. He knew it. "But why?" "Because love is fake. It doesn't exist." Why are we going through this now? I don't know. "How many times will we go through this, Adira? How many times will you push me away when all I am trying to do is help you!" He yells, his patience wearing away. I want to see him lose his cool, I want to see how he looks when he is done with me. "Why would I even want to try and be in a relationship when cheating is easy and divorce is cheap?" I ask him. Harry laughs humourlessly. "You really want to test me, don't you? You want to see me lose my patience, right? You think that I will be done with you soon? But guess what Adira, you are absolutely wrong. I will always be there to help and I will change your whatever mindset and attitude you have here and I dare you to tell me otherwise." He says in a firm voice. "It won't be easy, it is difficult. You might even lose yourself while finding me." I say, my voice just above a whisper. He smiles at me, which elicits one of mine too. "I am sure you will find me then." *** A/N: Please vote and comment. :)
