We hadn't spoken in a little while, not an insane amount of time but enough to make me upset. Should I text him? He's probably not even thinking of me.
Wait. We need to make music. Ugh...
~~~
You: hey we need to write songs
B: I've got it
You: you can't just exclude me from my own career Bren
You: you can just exclude me from your life
You: Bren please
You: why the fuck won't you talk to me?
You: it's starting to get ridiculous.
B: idk
You: I'm coming over
B: I'm not home rn
You: where are you
B: on a date
You: oh
You: ok...
B: I have a life to
You: I get that.
~~~
Well. That didn't go as planned. Now I'm even more upset. I could write. I still had time. He can't just, write without me! I have to perform, too.
Nicotine was the title. I had it all planned out.
"You're worse than nicotine... Perfect."
I scribbled words onto a notepad with a blue sparkly pen. I was writing the last words as my phone buzzed.
~~~
B: I miss u
B: like a lot I'm sorry
B: ugh u probably hate me
You: k
B: are you serious
You: idk
B: I know what you're doing
You: idc lol
B: stop it
You: k I will
B: omfg u are a dick
You: I miss you too. Shit has been crazy since I left for Maine.
B: yah
You: I was jealous of Sarah
B: about that
You: I swear to god
B: nvm
You: you can't just leave me HANGING WTF
B: *gif of a puppy* okay this will make it better
You: Bren wtf
B: OKAYWELLOVERTHEPASTFEWWEEKSSARAHHASBEENREALLYNICEANDTHEREFORMESOWEAREKIDOFDATING
B: pls don't be mad
You: I'm not
B: promise?
You: no
B: cmon wtf
You: I really do love you but if you're happy whatever I can't stop you
B: don't guilt trip me cmon
~~~
I picked up my notepad again. Girl that you love. I angrily wrote and tears made the paper wet and look strange in some places. I was furious, not mad with him.
Mad at myself. I fucked it up. Why wasn't I good enough for him? I'm not the girl of his dreams, I'm not the girl that he loves, I'm not anything more than a friend to him. What have I been doing the past few weeks? I could've confessed... I could've done so much better. It's all just going downhill.
I put down my notepad and sobbed, laying in the fetal position on my couch. I could barely breathe and snot clogged my nose. My face was all red, and my eyes were itchy and puffy. I'd never felt to unwanted, it was better when I had to friends, because if you didn't trust anyone they couldn't betray you.
Knock knock! I sat up. They continued furiously knocking. "I'll be there in a second!" I ran to the bathroom and fixed myself, wiping my face off and blowing my nose. It still looked terrible. Whatever. My cheeks were still rosy and my eyes were still glassy. But I deemed myself presentable and opened the door.
"I'm sorry." Came from the other side, a flower shoved in my face.
