Attack On Titan Oneshots [mostly au] {requests closed!}

﹝mikasa x male!depressed!reader﹞

maybe
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this would've been done early if I didn't get sick 🙃 it's summer why do I have a cold. I also changed my username, which means I'm changing my covers again!! yay!!

this is a rollercoaster of me trying new things so bear with me.
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•third person•

if it wasn't for the fact people were always around him, (y/n) (l/n) would have had tears in his eyes. they were around him, talking with others and joking about who they liked, but the (h/c) haired boy always sat alone. maybe it was because he didn't talk, or maybe he always had his head down when he was alone. either way people normally left him to himself.

that was until Mikasa pushed her way into his life and pulled him into a group of friends. though unpleasantly described, he didn't mind much; he wasn't physically alone anymore. then (y/n) learned of not doing anything for himself. he smiled for others and he put away his own thoughts for others. he basically lived for other people, and it hurt. not a throbbing pain. a very short and dull pain, but it hurt whenever he thought too much about it. (y/n) didn't like smiling for other people, but he did it anyways. he wanted to find a way to stop it.

(y/n) sat in the cafeteria early in the morning with an empty porcelain cup in his hand. what was once in his cup was lost to him, as was his need to sleep. maybe it was because of the world he lived in, or maybe it was because he couldn't close his eyes for fear of seeing memories and thoughts he kept away for the sake of the people around him. either way would end with the same short, dull pain and a chorus of unsolvable questions.

'there's no winning with this.'

the (h/c) haired boy was tired and he was confused. he asked himself questions he wanted to answer but only made him feel farther away. he looked at other people and was plagued with 'I wish's and that led him down a path of 'I'm not's.

"I'm wish I could be as bold as Eren."

"I'm not going to stop biting my tongue."

"I wish I had a goal like Mikasa."

"I'm not ever going to reach it anyway."

even if there was someone with him, the people Mikasa introduced him, he wouldn't be able to set himself aside to enjoy the company. he couldn't fathom what it was like to not have constant 'I wish's and 'I'm not's running through his head.  (y/n) couldn't fathom what it was like to look at someone and his heart beat wildly and his chest ache

though, he was starting to feel he completely forgot about his thoughts instead of pushing them back when around the black haired girl.

"why are you up so late." (y/n) immediately stopped thinking and looked up to smile at Mikasa. he knew Miaksa didn't expect an answer. he didn't have one to give anyway.

"you should go back to your bed. it's worth trying to sleep than hurting yourself by being awake," Mikasa chided (y/n). he knew she was trying to help, but he didn't want it. or, he couldn't take it. pity of any form held his head down even lower than it was, when he was away from prying eyes. from eyes that expected a smile equivalent to a burning, white star.

"and you? you also need to be asleep, I'm no one for you to be worried about." he laughed wryly. the floor creaked as Mikasa walked around the table to sit across from (y/n), grey eyes staring relentlessly at (e/c) eyes. the smile (y/n) had slowly faded off his features to look at the wall behind Mikasa. he didn't like making eye contact with anyone, especially people that looked at him like Mikasa did.