Hey dad,
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been busy over that past few days with work and mom's been over so I didn't have much time.
Yes, I know: "Go to bed, it's quarter past 3 in the morning.". Trust me, I can tell. My eyebags look like I'm wearing eyeshadow, it's horrendous but I'm at work.
I say at work I'm at my desk in the living room alone talking to you.
I'm feeling lost, right now. Since school ended I don't have much of a purpose but really just do my work.
I'm watching my friends go to university and now they don't really have time to hang out or chat. There are about 2 people I regularly chat with and that's about to change because one started university already, has a job, and is in a relationship and the other hasn't started university yet so when he does I won't have anyone to really talk to.
It's not like I've burnt bridges (not completely anyway, I'll get to that) but it's just that people move on to do better things with their lives. Since graduation I left the house about 3 times. Other than that I've not done anything important with my life.
My friends are preparing to study abroad and experience new lives and I'm stuck in Thailand where I can speak conversational Malay and I'm fantastic with English but that's not really useful here.
My other friends that I used to talk to were some of my closest friends who knew almost everything but I messed up. I admit it, I messed it all up - there's no one else to blame. And now I've burnt bridges to the most important people in my life and I'm pretty sure other people don't like me for pretty much the same reason. I've burnt bridges that I'll never be able to rebuild and that feeling sucks far more than I could ever fathom.
Because it's not like, "Oh, it's just a fight. Give it time.". It's like after losing you and now losing my friend, I'm honestly terrified to get close to people again because somehow I'll lose them - through my idiocy or otherwise.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you this because I haven't written to you in a while and honestly I don't think I want to talk to anyone about it. Because honestly who cares? All the parties involved have moved on and I'm here at my desk listening to the clicking on my keyboard early at half past 3 in the morning because I don't want to talk to anyone about my problems - because that's what they are: my problems and no one else's.
Sorry if this had no structure or anything, I just had to talk to you about it.
Love you as always,
Nasri
