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to my first best friend

dear,
jasey.

ten years ago, i was the new girl in an unknown place filled with horrifying people and hopeless dreams. this chubby little girl with denim skirts and short hair felt like she didn't belong among the other kids with fixed uniforms and ribboned hair. i was so lost and so lonely, sitting in my designated place, trying to understand what everyone was trying to say. they made fun of me; picking me on my outfit and telling me how i sounded different than them. they were right, i guess. i was different.

and then you came along, you, with your beautiful smile that had one less tooth and your outgoing personality. it felt weird. you were an extrovert; messing around with everyone and answering every question the teacher asked. you took me in and we sat together in lunch, munching on my ham sandwich and the traditional food your mother made. may i just say, that was the best food i had ever tasted.

remember how our seating arrangements were? two girls on each bench with a boy on the middle? remember how we always got into trouble and the teacher made us stand in the chair? remember the way our desk partner would cry because he could see up our skirts? its ironic because we don't even wear skirts anymore.

i guess we were different. you could fit anywhere and i always looked for you in the crowd. you had everyone on the palm of your hand and i was nothing but a mere fingernail. while everyone braided their hair, you would tie it up. i always liked mint green but you preferred purple and you always listened to your heart while i overthought. and out of all the controversies we faced, i reckon its our differences that has kept us going for ten years.

we were never the ones to show our emotions. for eight years of our friendship, we never even hugged. but i hope you know that i felt everything for you. you made me feel like i was worth something and you made me more confident and more content. you made me feel like i belonged somewhere. like we could stand out in the crowd.

you make me prouder of you every single day. the way you treat others; so compassionate and gentle and understanding and kind. you give me more reasons to believe because dreamers like us need belief rather than hope. you make me forget about every regret i ever had, for they all lead me to you. i have so much gratitude towards you, my friend and you inspire me everyday. you gave me a reason and you made me strive to be a better person. and for that i am immensely grateful.

love,
the girl with the denim skirt.