LususxReader

Lusus!Porrim x Teen!reader: True beauty

Your lusus, or "mother" as humans would deem her, was the definition of beauty and grace. She carried herself with enough confidence to be classy without being arrogant, she was sexy without looking slutty and had suitors of all races and species falling at her feet just for the chance the jadeblood would look their way.

You, on the other claw, were ugly- at least in your own mind. You wanted so desperately to be like your lusus- beautiful, confident and amazing. You had no real talents (in your mind), you weren't anything special to look like (so you'd convinced yourself) and no one would look twice at you (or at least you'd never seen them do so).

So, you tried to be like your jadeblooded lusus- you wore neat, fashionable clothes, you watched/read countless makeup tutorials and articles and you should have been beautiful... but you just weren't. At least, not to you.

You didn't notice but the only thing making you unattractive was your total lack in confidence in yourself. People did think you were beautiful, but no matter how much make up you caked on, it just couldn't cover up the self-consciousness you felt that you'd never be good enough, which ironically was why you weren't. How could you expect anyone to see your beauty if you didn't see it yourself?

What made it worse was that you didn't believe the people who did see your worth. They would tell you all the time that you were attractive, they'd point out as many good points in you as humanly or trollianly possible- but you never believed them. They're your friends and family, right? Wasn't it their job to make you feel better- even if they were lying?

"I'm so glad we're spending some quality time together, (y/n)." your lusus hummed happily, her lips in a wide, elated smile and the lightest signs of crow's feet in the corner of her eyes the only side of aging- well, aside from a few strands of jade in her hair. She even ages elegantly.

"When you were younger, I could never get you to sit still long enough to take your measurements," she laughed gently and looked at you with a paternal fondness that made your bloodpusher swell with equaling affection. "Look at you... my baby's all grown up and so beautiful now." she covered her mouth as jade tears beaded her eyes and you couldn't help it. Hearing her call you beautiful, which she did quite often, on top of all the stress you were putting yourself through- you just couldn't stay strong anymore. You broke, in front of the one person you wanted to impress and make proud. You couldn't help it, you were just... so tired.

"Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong!?" she panicked and used the fabric of her dress to soak up your (b/c) tears, paying no mind to the expensive weavery.

"I'm sorry lussi," you hiccuped like a child who skinned their knee- only this pain came from far more than a flesh wound.

"What for?" she asked calmly and sat you down on the measuring pedestal, sitting next to you and holding your hands between hers.

She listened patiently with growing shock and mortification the deeper you went into how you felt and some of the extremes you'd gone through to try to match your lusus who you felt you were failing by not being good enough; you told her about how you often starved yourself, how you stayed up for weeks trying to perfect your makeup and flaws, how you essentially used the time with your mother figure in hopes the clothes would take away from how ugly you saw yourself as, how you'd never be good enough- you never were, how everyone would nearly break their necks to see more of her but no one would spare you a second glance, how hard it was plaster on a smile in front of her and act like you weren't falling apart at the seams like the cheap clothes she would sneer at in the market place.

"Oh my love," she cooed sorrowfully and wiped your tears with the pads of her thumbs, her own eyes showing dewiness like she could feel your pain twice as hard as you. "I've never once thought you weren't enough, or that I was disappointed in you. Don't you know how wonderful you are? You aren't beautiful in such an artificial sense that people would think of you only up until you start wrinkling and your hair starts turning (b/c). My dear, you are beautiful in the truest, realist sense of the word.

You aren't beautiful because you have smooth, clear skin; you're beautiful because you have a smile that can pull anyone from the deepest trench of depression, even if you are falling in one yourself.

You aren't beautiful because you have 'exotic' or 'rare' eyes, you're beautiful for how your (e/c) eyes sparkle when you think or see something you love and at others, even though they can't see the wonders in a mirror.

You aren't beautiful for something as passive as having perfect hair, you're beautiful for how you can look at anything in the world and notice its worth, even though you ignore your own."

She gently looks in your eyes and gives you a smile of pride and adulation, squeezing your hands gently while keeping your gaze firmly in her own.

"You're perfect as you are, (y/n)- with all your imperfections. You can do and be anything. Don't try to be beautiful though, because you already are."

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So this was a request and I may have twisted it just a bit from what my requester wanted. It sounded like they wanted a fem!reader- which I'm more than capable of writing, but I also realized that there are a lot of males who are just as self-conscious as their female counterparts- but hardly anyone ever lets them know that it's okay and their not alone in how they feel, and they might just need a little something like this to feel better and know "hey, maybe I'm not weak/stupid/worthless because I'm not the only guy out there who feels like this".

PS: Guys can wear makeup too. Trust me. I know many a "manly man" who has mastered the art of guyliner. XD

I'm sorry if I disappointed you, I hope you don't mind too much. :(

I hope this doesn't seem rushed but I started writing at 10:45 and I have school in the morning but I can't sleep and now I'm going to be acting like Karkat tomorrow.