Crazy to Think You're Here..

Chapter3

-Edited-

Chapter Three

“I cannot hide this, even if I try…”

It’s been five months since I’ve been in this obsolete-looking room, with no source of entertainment, bored out of my mind. I would always just lie there alone with my thoughts, my long nails that had a blackish color around the cuticle twirling around mindlessly, and always trying to brush my tangled, greasy hair with my fingers.

Doctors don’t come into my room anymore; they just stand at my door and take notes. Who knows, perhaps I was a lost cause according to them.

Today, I was expecting the doctors to do the same boring routine, but imagine my surprise when a doctor actually came inside my room. I was excited to have somebody to talk to other than myself and the nurse that comes here once a week.

“Am I getting out of here?” I asked eagerly.

He looked at me as if I was one of those animals they show on National Geographic. His eyes showed nothing but disdain. He pushed his thick glasses further up his nose and said, “Not now, I’m afraid. You still have the strokes of madness. I suppose we’re controlling it.”

“So…” I trailed off, “I’m not getting out of here?”

“In a couple of years you will.”

I flinched at the word ‘years’, and warm tears blotched my cheeks.

“Just let me see the sun!” I exclaimed desperately, “Get me out of here! I’ll be better, I swear, I swear!”

Ignoring my plea, he said, “I don’t think you can get better by yourself. With the medicine you will, though!”

He forced on a small smile before exiting my room.

I didn’t have years to wait, I wanted to get out right now! I missed life outside these doors. I missed the warm rays of the sun, the smell of freshly cut grass in the morning, the sight of nature, the sight of people, not the appalling sight of these black walls. I would rather die than live another day here in this hellhole! I had to escape, I had to!

My room was sealed shut, it had no way out. However, the tiny bathroom in my room had a small window with bars on it. I knew that if I opened it, I will be able to squeeze myself inside. I had a scrawny body, anyways.

I tried to push open the bars, but they didn’t budge. I tried once more, and seeming as if luck was on my side, they moved and fell onto the floor.

I silently thanked god, and squeezed my way out of the window. Half my body was out, leaving my other half dangling from inside. I placed my hands on the sides of the walls and forcefully pushed myself out.

A sudden feeling of relief washed over me. I escaped!

I started running around, dodging the people who had questionable looks on their faces, and dodging the cars that were in my way.

I ran and ran and ran, until I found a light at the end of the street, and I decided that that would be my destination.

While I was running, I saw an old man on a ladder, fixing something on the roof. I accidentally bumped into the ladder, making it shake and fall backwards, bringing down the man along with his gadgets.

He hissed in pain, and looked at me accusingly, “You almost killed me!”

I ignored his attempts at trying to call for help. I searched his gadgets, and realized that he had a pair of scissors. I took the pair of scissors, and ran away. I knew that I could use them to protect myself.

The sun was glaring at my eyes, and I started laughing hysterically when I realized that I was out of that godforsaken place. I was finally free.

While I continued walking, ignoring the people who were staring at me with bewilderment painting their faces, I saw a candy store. My eyes lit up, and a sudden urge to run towards it and eat all the candy there coursed within me, so I did. As I was running towards the store, I saw a familiar figure from my peripheral vision. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it was Noah, standing on the pavement, looking like a Greek god.

As if just the look of his grinning face made me freeze in place, I stopped in the middle of the street, and I started reminiscing memories of us holding hands together and laughing.

I was brought back into reality by the irritating sound of the beeping cars, and the hysterical sounds of people shouting at me.

“Get out of the street, you idiot!”

“Do you want to get killed?”

“Are you crazy?”

A sudden feeling of agitation coursed within me as I stared at their annoyed faces with hatred burning in the depth of my eyes and yelled, “Yes, I am crazy! Got a problem?”

I ignored their replies, and crossed the street until I reached Noah. A large smile painted my face, but it was gone as soon as it came as the vision of Noah faded away.

I entered a nearby alley and I just sat there, tears brimming at my eyes the moment I remembered that Noah wasn’t there anymore to hold me and tell that it would be okay. He was my savior; he was the center of my universe. And now, he no longer is there. I can no longer be engulfed into his warm embrace, and musky scent, I can no longer share my sadness with him. I was completely alone, and I hated it.

 I remember him telling me that he’ll always be there for me when I needed him, that I’m always a strong person, but he lied. He is not there, nor am I strong.

I remembered the scissors that I stole, and I immediately needed a relief, so I took the scissors and started madly cutting off all of my hair.

I was keeping it long because Noah used to like it like that, he always used to twirl his smooth fingers in between my hair, but he’s not here anymore. So what’s the point in keeping it long? It would only be a terrible reminder.

I wished that I had a bucket of water to pour it on myself, maybe a little bit of money, so I can buy food or something.

I looked out the alleyway, staring at the people who were in their car or walking on the pavement. They were so lucky, having good clothes, food, and sanity. I envied them.

The sun was setting, turning the sky into a beautiful lilac color, and I was wandering down the streets and humming a tune underneath my breath. I soon got tired from walking so I sat down on the pavement, and sleep came to me before I even asked for it.

I woke up, a few hours later, I reckon, finding myself somewhere unfamiliar.  I was longer on the pavement. It was dark, and I seemed to have been lying in the middle of the street. I caught sight of crimson liquid on my hands, and I suddenly felt frightened. I looked around, and I realized that there was a lifeless body of a woman lying in front of me. I stepped closer to her, and I realized that I had plunged the pair of scissors in her head.

I knew then that I had a visit from my alter ego.