Crazy to Think You're Here..

Chapter8

Chapter Eight

 The Doctor, the girl, the men and Daniel, all these were victims of my unforgiving alter ego, I couldn’t help but feel shame as I was sitting in an alley, alleys were going to be my new favorite place, even though they reminded me a lot of my disgusting room in the mental institution, but there was nowhere else to go, I was running from the police, my heart was beating faster than lightning.

I sat there on the floor thinking through everything, trying to connect the dots on who this supposed woman could be, but the problem was that there was not very much dots to connect, and I was sitting there, looking at Noah's diary, hoping it'll lead me somewhere, but I was too afraid to open it

I felt like it held so many secrets, and I was not ready to handle the truth, it will all lead me to blame one person, Noah

Because he was the one who started all of this, if he hadn’t disappeared, if he had told me at least anything, I would’ve at least known what I was up for, and I could’ve runaway sooner, but no, he chose to be selfish, and keep it all in a leather book where the chances of finding it are small, oh Noah..

I finally gathered my courage to open this book

 

I choose to walk alone

on this hard earth

let me be all on my own

I wish I was a bird

with big flapping wings

and fly away from

what felt like puppet strings

dad's choking me

with responsibilities

and I know

that I cannot succeed

for this company is too big

for me to run

I need a gun

to feel like I'm freed

My eyes started pouring tears like rain in a december,   he felt so bad, and I'm not there for him, I realized that all of his pages were filled with poems just like this one, filled with sadness and bad emotions, after reading all of them and making sure I devoured every word, I hugged the book tightly, because this was Noah, the real Noah, under his happy energetic façade, he was suicidal, and scared, of something I was rather confused about.

I realized I had no memory of his dad, I don’t remember ever seeing him, nor do I remember Noah ever talking about him, but from these poems I realized that it was better that I didn’t, he seemed cruel to his son, wanting him to inherit a company he had no influence in running

he wished to kill himself and then at a very unfortunate event he got killed, his wish was granted, but why would anyone want to kill him, he was a very nice beautiful person, why would anyone ever think about hurting him, I wish I could be healed from this illness and forget about this stuff and live a perfectly normal life, but what with a murdered fiancée/boyfriend/I don’t even know, and a scrambled brain, normal life is pretty hard to come by, it felt like it was an arrow put to my chest, needing the most precise way to remove, that was my illness.

*****************

All this time dwelling on my thoughts I haven’t realized the sun has been placed in the sky again, it was a beautiful morning for a person in a park or a garden, as for person in a dark alley, not so beautiful, the disgusting smell of dead rats and garbage, half the smell was probably from me, I was so hungry I would die

"Please, I'm a lost cause, I'll be dead by tomorrow, you'll be keeping me alive by giving me a pound" that was the best I could ask of a man wearing a very expensive looking coat, he handed me a pound, without looking at me, I felt euphoric, I could buy lots if I had five, and I kept begging people and asking them, and I found myself getting lucky

"make me live by handing me a-"

"Lauren! I can't believe my eyes" said the woman who I have never seen in my life, seeing my confused face, she continued

"I'm Eleanor, one of your old classmates, I cannot even believe this is you" I still haven’t figured out who she was so I smiled a tiny smile

"Oh, never mind, I know your story, you’ve been quite a celebrity these days- God you look like a mess!"

a mess was the least thing she could describe me of, this girl

"how about you come by my house, I live on my own, you could sleep on the couch, I really don’t want you going through anymore pain"

she was another Daniel I dwelled upon trusting, but she didn’t seem like the wicked kind, she seemed nice, the thought of her being the woman who wants me dead didn’t cross my mind, so I nodded to which she was surprised, she thought I would refuse

"Th-that’s excellent, my house's over there, c'mon let's go"

The walk to the house was awkward, I was afraid to say anything and ruin my chances at living free of charge, when we got there, however, things became more interesting, and Eleanor made breakfast, it was the most food I've seen in days if not years of ugly smelling disgusting tasting substances 

It has been a while since I've eaten, I remember eating a candy from the bag I'd stole from the woman I killed. Oh my god I killed a woman, So it was when I tasted the scrambled eggs that I became fully aware of what I've been missing.

After breakfast, and a bit of short exchange of sentences, Eleanor handed me some of her clothes, and with that all of my needs where available. And now all I had to do, was figure out who Daniel worked for, and why she killed Noah and why she's targeting me.

This was a long, hard, journey of mystery, and I still haven’t found my way out. But I'm a psychopath who's got nothing to lose, except my own life.

AN:

hope you liked that, please keep in mind that this is a story from a pov of a person with mental illness, so if some sentences confused you, that’s probably why.

Please comment please... I need to hear your thoughts on this… please.