He Doesn't Know

Eighteen

Fallon fills my every thought as I leave Connor's apartment, but I know I can't go to him right away. I need to figure out what I want to say to him, because after everything he deserves a sincere apology. I call Geisel hoping she'd pick up, but when it goes straight to voicemail I can't blame her. After this morning I don't see her speaking to me for a while, so I go to our dorm room and wait it out until she gets back.

The door unlocks as I'm finishing up an essay for my literature class and Geisel glances my way, but doesn't say a word. "Geisel," I say her name to get her attention. She continues to rumble through her things and doesn't look my way. "Geisel...you were right. Fallon was right. I was played by Connor and now I've hurt two of the most important people in my life," I spill out while trying to not cry. She finally stops and looks at me. "What do you mean he played you?" Geisel asks. "Fallon was right about Connor's incident. The whole thing was staged to get me back," I answer but a few tears begin to fall down my face as well. "Are you serious? What's wrong with him?" she asks, but doesn't really want me to answer in the way she wraps me in her arms. "Have you talked to Fallon yet?" she questions after a minute of silence. I shake my head no and reply, "I don't know what to say to him. I'm so afraid that no matter what I say he'll reject me and...Geisel I don't think I could handle it. I don't think I can handle losing him." She pulls away from me and just looks at me. "He loves you and he knows what kind of person you are. I believe he'll forgive you," she finally tells me. A sigh escapes my lips and I say, "I sure hope so."

The next morning is bright and sunny as I'm walking outside. A smile finds its way on my face despite everything that happened yesterday. I feel so much better getting a night's sleep and I'm ready to approach Fallon. I know his schedule, so I wait outside his class since it should be ending in the next five to ten minutes. The longer I wait here I feel like my nerves are getting the worst of me by each minute, but it doesn't matter because standing six feet in front of me is Fallon. He hasn't caught sight of me, but the moment he does I stand up and he stops walking. "Fallon, can we talk?" I ask not beating around the bush. He doesn't say anything, only looks at me. It feels like it's been so long since I've been this close to him. I want to wrap my arms around him and reach up to give him a kiss. "Sure," he finally answers while walking towards a more secluded area.

"Vera..." he begins to say, but I can't help myself and throw my arms around him. He's stiff for a moment, but then I feel his arms also wrap around me. He places a kiss on my forehead then whispers, "What are we doing?" Then he takes a step back. I frown, not obviously done with his embrace. "I've missed you," I say. He frowns and runs his hand through his hair while asking, "And you think I haven't missed you?" I take a step closer to him, but he counters it by taking another step back. "Why now Vera?" he keeps asking questions, obviously suspicious of me. "I believe you now," is all I can mutter. Then realization hits his face and the frown is nowhere in sight. "I see. Which means one of two things happened and I want you to tell me the truth. Did you come to your senses about Connor? Or did Connor hurt you and that made you realize that I was right all along?" he asks me with clear irritation in his voice.

Truthfully it's the both, but how do I explain that to Fallon? I realized something was wrong when it was already too late to do anything about it, because at that point Connor already hurt me once again. But Fallon wouldn't be able to understand that and I don't have the words to express it to him. "It doesn't matter Fallon," I finally answer, but the words barley make it above a whisper. "That's bullshit and you know it, because the only reason you'd say it doesn't matter is if after everything you finally came to your senses when Connor hurt you and running back to me was your only option. Vera why am I your second option every time?" he asks while slowly his anger rises. "Fallon that's not true. I love you and want to be with only you. I'm so sorry it took me until now to see what kind of person Connor was, but I truly believed he had changed. I know now that I shouldn't have doubted you, but I can't go in the past and change it. If I could I would. I'm sorry."

Fallon scoffs at me and begins to pace around in the small space we're standing in. I look at the ground waiting for him to speak and wondering if I should add something else, but I'm afraid to make the situation worse. I look up again once I realize he stopped pacing, but the sight in front of me kills me. Fallon has tears in his eyes as he stands there quietly just staring at me. "You broke my heart Vera. You know that?" he begins, but those words cut me deep I have to reach out towards him while tears are in my own eyes and I try to say, "Fallon..." However, Fallon cuts me off with a mixture of pain and anger in his voice, "No. Vera let me say what I have to say." I put my hand back to my side and nod my head to let him continue.

"You broke my heart when once again you put Connor before me. Before us. One of the worst things you could have ever done was to choose him over me and you did that very thing. It will always be him. It always has been. I don't know why I thought it would be different Vera. In the back of my mind I thought loving you would be enough. I thought the love we had for each other would let us get through anything together, but it wasn't. It wasn't enough, because at the end of the day Connor meant more to you than me. You never even heard me out before you threw me away for him. Vera I can't do this with you anymore. I'm done letting you control my heart, because you finally did it Vera. I hope you're happy breaking my heart, because what I'm feeling is the worst pain I've ever felt. It doesn't mean I don't love you anymore, I do. I love you just as much as I did the last time I kissed you, but I can't be with you if at any moment you can make me feel like this again," Fallon tells me with so much emotion I take every word he says personally. I stare at him with no words to say, because every word he said was true. I put Connor over him, even though I wish I could take all of it back, but I can't.

"Fallon the one thing I will always regret is ever putting that monster over you, but you need to know you were the best thing to ever happen to me. The happiest I've ever been was with you. The safest I've ever felt was with you. My heart will belong to you, even when your heart doesn't beat for me anymore. I will always love you and I know now there's nothing I can say to make this better. But before you leave just know that I never stopped loving you. I never stopped hurting for you and Connor never had a chance of being with me, because you've owned my heart since our first kiss. I just didn't want to admit it then," I finally spill out everything I wanted to say. Everything he means to me. All in seconds he takes a step closer to me and softly places a kiss on my lips, then just as fast as it happened it ended with a whisper, "Goodbye Vera." I'm left there standing alone crying while I watch the person I love the most walk away. He doesn't know how much I'm hurting. No. He doesn't know that I'm finally broken by every step he takes away from me. I know now that I've finally lost Fallon.

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Thank you for reading everyone! 

This chapter was really hard to write, but at the end of the day couples have fights and I think it's pretty justified for Fallon to be angry with the situation.

Remember to keep reading for a chance to read the summary of my new book called, The Truth. I'll post it in the next couple of chapters. 

Well until next week :)