Unsure

Chapter 40

Justin's POV:

I wake up to my head pounding and groan as I stretch my legs out and roll over onto my back. I spot Bella who is sat on the end of my bed motionlessly, playing with her fingers. I sigh at the conversation I'm about to have and rub my throbbing head before standing up and heading to the bathroom to take a shower. 

I walk out of the bathroom to find that Bella hasn't moved from where she's sitting, still playing with her fingers and looking tired and exhausted, dark circles underneath her eyes. I don't know how long she's been sat there dwelling on what she's done but decide that it must have been a long time. 

"Hey." I decide to be the first one to talk as I towel-dry my hair and chuck the towel in the bathroom.

"Hey?" She both sighs and asks, clearly shocked I'm even talking to her. I have so much I want to say to her and so much I need to know but no words seem to come to my mind as we silently look at eachother, the tension thick between us.

"Why?" I surprise myself by asking and she looks up at me, waiting for me to continue. "Why did you do it? Again? Why did you cheat on me again?" I finally manage to ask and she sighs before tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I don't know." She breathes. "I was confused, drunk. I know it wasn't an excuse but I had no idea what I was doing and after everything with Riley and everything that happened I didn't know what I wanted or" She stops as I roll my eyes and sigh. "What?" She asks, confused, and I brace myself for her reaction to what I'm about to say. 

"Look. I know that everything between you and Riley is really fucking awful and you've been through things I couldn't imagine but you can't use it as an excuse for everything. Riley didn't make you cheat on me, you decided that on your own. I know everything's been difficult but it seems just as you're trying to regain my trust you shatter it once again."

Her eyes widen and fill with hurt as the spiteful words leave my mouth. I know it's harsh but it's the truth and it's about time she heard it. Nothing that happened between her and Riley could have or would have caused her to cheat. And I don't know what did because she still hasn't answered my question. I tug at my hair in frustration and move my eyes from a destraught Bella to the window as I watch the cold rain fall. 

"I'm sorry Justin." Her tone is flat and exhausted and I continue to look out of the window, waiting for an explanation. "I guess I screwed this up all on my own and I need to accept that. But you need to know that what I did was a mistake. Just a stupid, drunken mistake and I-"

"Then why did you go out of your way to hide it from me?" I raise my voice as my head snaps to look at her. "Why do you always have to hide things? This is what fucking ruins my trust in you!" I exaggerate the word trust and fling my hands out, causing her to flinch a little. 

"I'm sorry!" She cries. "Maybe I do hide things and I don't do what's best in bad situations but you're not the innocent one here either!"

What the fuck? What is she talking about?

"Don't act like you don't know! I heard you last night, calling out for  'Maia' or 'Mia' or whatever her name was. Don't call me out on a stupid mistake when you've clearly been cheating on me too! So go on, how long have you been cheating with her?!" She screams and my eyes widen in confusion which quickly changes to humour. 

I chuckle. "Mia?" I try to say between laughs and Bella's frown stays but fades a little as her cheeks redden in embarrassment. "Mia is just a girl I met at a bar!" I try to stop laughing but I can't. "She's my friend and to be honest, if you can be 'friends' with Zayn I hope it's okay to be friends with her." I find myself hysterically laughing both in humour and disbelief, mainly disbelief.