We Are The Kids Our Parents Warned Us About

We are the kids our parents warned us about (36)

"Dylan is not a good example for you." My mom paces around the living room with her hands on her hips, clearly very irritated.

"What do you mean? Dylan isn't a bad influence." I try to explain to her.

"No!" She stops walking, facing me. "You skipped school today, with him, and that is a bad influence." She scolds me.

"It was my idea!" I fold my arms.

"And who drove you? Huh? You don't have a car, all of your other friends wouldn't do that. And it seems like Dylan didn't even hesitate to drive you to wherever you went!" She shouts.

"He did! He made sure I wanted to leave." I groan.

"Where did you guys go?! Did you guys do things?" She asks, her ears turning red.

WHAT?!? "No! What's wrong with you? Do you honestly think we would ditch school to have sex? Really? How low do you think of me? How many damn times do I have to explain that we're just friends!" I shout back, getting angry. Does she really think I would sweep that low?! That Dylan would sweep that low??? God she's pissing me off.

"Do not dare use that tone with me! You're grounded, and you can't hang out with him anymore." She yells.

"NO!" I yell back. "You cannot tell me who I can and can't hang out with. Dylan is one of my best friends, and just because you don't like him, doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking to him."

Her eyes widen, making want me to take a step back. "Excuse me? I know things about that family and you're lucky I even let you talk to the boy!"

"Oh do you now? So you know that his mom is dying, that he is constantly being held back from life because of me?! Huh? That because of me not paying attention, he had to crash into another car to save my life, causing his to almost end!? You know that? You know that I feel like shit whenever I see him because I'm the reason he has to constantly watch out for his head. You know that?" Tears run down my face and my mom holds a hand to her mouth.

"Why am I such an idiot?! Why am I so blind? Why didn't I see the car coming at me! It's all my fault, it's all my fault! And it hurts." I struggle to breath, feeling my chest crush. "It's hurts so much. I caused someone their life, and I hate myself so much for it."

I immediately feel my moms arms around me, whispering sweet things into my ear. But I can't even hear, because nothing she says will change what I did. I don't think I can live with myself. I can't handle all this guilt. And I wish he could just let his anger out at me, scream at me, not talk to me, something! Because I deserve it. But he won't. And it kills me.

I sob harder unable to take it anymore.  I can't keep holding all this in. I didn't even know I was holding this in. But I constantly want him to be happy, I want to see him smile, I want to hear his laugh, because for a second the guilt goes away, and I think for a second, he forgets about everything in his life. And that's what I want for him. Because I care about him. Because seeing him even the slightest bit sad, ruins my whole day.

And knowing that I'm the cause for some of it. It's feels as if a crushing weight falls on my chest. It feels like drowning, when if feels like your heads about to explode because you need air. And when he's happy, I can finally take a deep breath.

But it's not enough.

It will never be enough.

~*~

I look like shit. I stand in the mirror, staring at the girl who has red puffy eyes, chapped lips, extremely tangled hair who cried herself to sleep. Ugh, how pathetic. I shouldn't go to school like this, no one needs to know I cried this much, especially Dylan.