nat's rant book

Is it wrong to think like this?

Alright, alright while you're reading this I don't blame you for thinking I sound like every regular annoyed teen. possibly ungrateful, but this is also a rant book and you are very welcome to leave if you want.

lol why do i need a disclaimer before every chapter you guys already know I'm annoying.

AnyWays, in these past few months I've gotten in a bit of trouble. I mean message me if you really want to know why, but i'm not going to put all the reasons why here. The point is each time i build my trust with my parents back up i crush it again. I've done this a few times in the past month and i'm not saying i'm proud of it, but you wont hear me saying I regret it. (that's bad? not really sorry?) I'm currently grounded and my phone (which i paid for grr) has been swiped along with my laptop and any privilege i've previously had. of course this is not enjoyable as my phone is practically the reason i'm getting the grades i am in school.

but i've run into a ...thought? if you will?

i've been grounded three times in the past three months for two of which i did not get caught, someone else did and i happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. this last time though, was my fault. (ugh its so hard to dance around the problem I snuck out and got caught coming back inside ok there)  and yes, i understand sneaking out is bad hence why you have to sneak out. but if my parents never caught me in that moment id still be here, home, alive, healthy. id be happier actually. my parents immediately pulled the "what if" card though. "What if you were pulled over?" "what if you got in an accident?"

ok sure yeah, but ive snuck out multiple times (only to my boyfriends house! he lives a few blocks away and i never have any other time to see him:(...) and there is legit such a minuscule chance i could get in an accident or pulled over because

A. no one is out driving where i live at midnight on a weekday

B. im not breaking any law other than curfew, which a cop would not know just by looking at my car.

so there is not really any "what if's" that are sensible. i've gone more than i can count on my fingers, and i haven't been caught until now, which leads me to believe that if my parents would just keep their noses out of my business, i'd be just fine. I'd be alive, my boyfriends parents wouldn't hate me (my mom called his parents, so now they think its my fault, and i'm not allowed to see him as of right now and i don't know when that will change.) id be much happier, and less grumpy. My parents would be less worried about me being sad. because (surprisingly!) with AND without my phone, i still lock myself in my room so that i don't have to talk to anyone, i just seem even more depressed when i do it without my phone because that's all they think i do when i lock myself in my room (play on my phone)

it sounds dumb to think like this, every kid wants their parents to butt out of their social life, but urg the more time i spend with them the more annoyed i get. and they constantly think i'm pissy but its genuinely because i don't enjoy their company/they kinda sorta ruined the one thing that makes me the most happy rn-that being my relationship. (wow i really sound like every average ungrateful teenager whoops)

so that's my thought process right now. if you need me i'll be sleeping/grounded. (that sounded rude ill try to get back to you if i can everything is just kinda irking me so)

love you all and if i could enjoy your company, i would. you make me smile:)

have a cooooool day friends.