What We Are (Snowbaz)

Simon

Even in his sleep, Baz keeps me up all night. I lay my head on his chest, his arm wrapped around my waist. Baz's eyes fluttered closed ages ago, but mine are still wide pools of blue. I can't sleep, at all. And Baz isn't helping.

When I finally felt my eyes start to droop, the steady thump thump of Baz's heart started to speed up. His deep breathing got faster and his hair was plastered to his face with sweat. He gripped me closer to him, as if he was afraid to let go.... As if I was the only thing holding him up. I looked up at his face. His brow was crinkled and he was mumbling silent words I couldn't hear. His nose twitched as if he smelled something bad. This is what happened when Baz had a bad dream.

"Baz?" I say, poking him in the ribs. He hates when I do that, but this time, he doesn't react.

"Baz?" I say, fiddling with his hair. It still won't wake him up. This is the part that always worries me. When Baz gets a bad dream, he can't wake up. It takes a lot to pull him out of whatever horrible fantasies he has. Sometimes, it gets dangerous.

Sometimes, I smell the smoke. I never slept deeply so I always knew before it happened. Baz had a habit of almost starting a fire in his sleep. The air would smell like smoke as his fingers would start to warm, getting close to releasing sparks. Thankfully, Baz can't summon fire as fast as he can awake when he's asleep. If I don't smell the smoke, I always feel the sudden warmth radiate from his cold hands. The first time it happened, I was scared half to death. I thought I was the Humdrum again, and I was on the brink. It felt like I was gonna go off. I then realized that the heat and smoke came from Baz, and I quickly shook him awake.

Other nights, he would bare his fangs. I hear them snap out, like a knife being taken out of a sheath. I don't know if he ever notice, but he would cut his lips as he bit down, a small drizzle of blood running down his jaw.

Sometimes, if he got even a drop of it on his tongue, it was like his vampire senses came into full focus. It doesn't help that he practically starves himself, going as long as he can without feeding.

Sometimes, that one drop of blood is enough to make him go full vampire. His grey eyes will turn into a haunting shade of red as he locks eyes on the nearest vessel containing blood. It's always me. I once woke up with his fangs inches from the vanes in my wrist.

The first time it happened, I couldn't calm him down. He kept hissing and reaching out to bite. Thank magic we have high ceilings. I flew up, just out of his reach. He looked up with me with an expression that looked nothing like the boy I loved. It looked like the face of a monster.

Somehow, I managed to lure him into a bathroom, locking him inside. I quickly called Penny, asking her what I should do. She instructed me to go into the woods by our house and bring him a rabbit or something to feed on. It worked and soon his eyes where no longer red, but a stormy grey. He fell asleep and I had to carry him back into the bed. The next morning, he didn't remember a thing.

Since that night, I always reminded him to make sure he gets all the feedings he needed and always made sure to keep a pack of blood handy. I never told him about that night, worried how he would take it. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to think I thought he was a monster.

Now, I bolt awake if I sense even the slightest change of heart rate.

Tonight wasn't like a normal night. I couldn't wake him up, no matter how hard I tried. I even stuck a wet finger into his ear and that didn't work.

Hits of smoke started to curl around my nostrils. Oh god no. No!

"BAZ! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP!" I say, trying to scream while still whispering. He turned away from me, his palm on the wooden headboard.

"Baz!" I say, sitting on top of him. He whimpers, still caught up in a dream.

"TYRANNUS BASILTON GRIMM-PITCH!" I say, loud and forcefully. He doesn't respond. I lean down and press my lips forcefully against his. It's all I can think about doing as his hand starts to scorch the wooden headboard. The last thing I need is a repeat of that time in the woods, in a confined space, with more of a chance of Baz actually catching fire.

I hear it. I hear the sound that can only be described as metal scraping on metal. Everything seems to be in slow motion as I push him back, away from me, jumping off the bed. Right before we part, I feel the smallest sting on my lip.

That seems to be enough to bolt Baz awake. He quickly pulls his hand away from the headboard, diminishing the small sparks starting to form. There is fear in his eyes as he stares at his hands, and then the blacken hand print on the wood.

"Wha--" he starts, and then looks at me.

"S-S-Simon! Wha-wha-what h-h-happened?" he asks, looking at my lips terrified.

"Baz. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Snow! Why do you have blood on your lips?" he asks, folding in on himself, his knees in his chest. I lick my lips and taste something metallic.

"Baz. I'm okay. It's just a small scratch. Are you okay?"

"Simon? Why is your lip cut?" he says fearfully.

"Baz it's nothing. Are you okay?" Baz finally seems to notice the razor sharp k-9's in his mouth. His eyes get wide with fear.

"Nononononono!!! Simon, please tell me I didn't bite you!!!!" He says, on the verge of tears. I walk over to him and wrap him in my arms and wings.

"Baz, I'm fine."

"Simon. Did I cut you or not," he says forcefully.

"You may have nicked me..." I mumbled.

"Oh god nononononononon!!!!"

"Baz. It'll be fine. It isn't even that deep."

"But what if it isn't?"

"This isn't the worse," I say, in an attempt to make him feel better. As soon as I get the words out, I realize my mistake. His eyes widen.

"You mean, this isn't the first time?" He asks. I nod my head.

"Simon! Why would you let me.... How could you..... Why didn't you..... How long?"

"Two months," I murmur. His eyes go even wider, if that's possible.

"WHAT??? Simon! Why didn't you tell me! I could've hurt you. I could've turned you."

"I always wake you up before it happens. I figured it'd be okay."

"SIMON IT'S NOT OKAY! I COULD'VE TURNED YOU!"

"But you didn't."

"Simon. I don't want to put you in any danger. I can't do this to you. What if next time we aren't so lucky?"

"We'll figure it out."

"Simon. There's nothing to figure out. I messed up your live drastically. I'm making you look for the cure of something that's incurable, I'm killing you in your sleep, and I'm causing you so much heartbreak. I can't take it." There are tears in his beautiful grey eyes.

"Baz. All you've ever done is made my life better. You let me be your horrible boyfriend."

"Simon. I don't want to hurt you. The only way to do that is to leave you."

"You can never leave me. I'll always follow you."

"You can't follow me where I'm going," he says, lighting the tip of his finger. It's dangerously close to his face. His nose is inches from it.

"Baz...? What are you doing!" I say, worry creeping into my voice. As if transfixed, he brings the flame closer to his face.

"Simon, the only way for you to truly be happy is with me gone." I finally understand what he's gonna do.

"No Baz! You can't! I lo-love you!" I say.

"Goodbye, Simon Snow," he says. Before he can bring the flame any closer, I clamp my hand around his finger. I'm met with a burning pain that causes me to scream, but I don't let go. I don't let go until the flame is snuffed out.
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I'm sorry. :*( (idk what that is but ok)

Love ya!
Candy ;-)