Never Trust Your Demons

61

"You did what?" Dipper asks, incredulous.
"Called it," I mutter under my breath.
"Look, after you said you wouldn't come back home with me at the end of the summer for your 'apprenticeship,'" Mabel starts. Wait, what apprenticeship? I think I missed a bunch that day before weirdmaggedon. "I wanted to hide in my sweater forever. But then I woke up in a place that gives me exactly what I wanted: an endless summer where I never have to grow up! Here the sun shines all day, the party never ends, and now that you guys are here, it's finally perfect!"
"Listen, Mabel, we're not here to party. All of this is crazy!"
"Ugghh. I figured you might say something like that, Dipper. That's why I prepared a backup Dipper with a more supportive attitude!"
"You can't just create 'backup' people!" I protest as the doors slam open, and aboy rides in on a skateboard. He looks a bit like Dipper, but his hat is backwards and his clothes are a more vibrant shade of their normal color. He's also added neon green and purple sunglasses and a belt.
"Wohoho!" He high fives Mabel as he skates past her. "Yeah! Wiggity-wiggity-what's up, dude-bros?"
I sigh. "And the situation worsens."
"I'm Dippy Fresh! I like skateboarding, supporting my sister, and punctuating every sentence with a high five! Hup!" He holds up hand to Soos.
"What kind of name is Dippy Fresh?!" I ask Mabel. "If you're going to mentally clone your twin brother, at least give him a respectable name!"
"Oh! Don't mind if I-" Soos starts to high-five him, but is stopped as Dipper clears his throat.
"I'm sorry," Soos replies after a brief pause. "I can't leave him hanging! Yus! He high fives Dippy Fresh.
"You're dead to me, Soos."
"Trust me, you guys are gonna love it here!" Mabel insists."This world always knows what you want. Sometimes even before you do!" A chinchilla suddenly drops into her arms. "Apparently I wanted a chinchilla! Right again, Mabeland!"
"Mabel, listen to yourself. This is crazy!" Dipper is unwavered. "I'm sorry about our fight, and I'm sorry things aren't great right now but that doesn't mean you can just stay in here forever!"
"Hey, take a chill pill! Those grow on trees here!"
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, DIPPY FRESH!" Dipper screams at his way-too-chill Mabeland counterpart.
I snort with supressed laughter. Too many funny things are being said in serious voices.
"Dude, calm down; Dippy Fresh didn't do anything to you, dawg."
I stifle another laugh as Dipper growls at Dippy Fresh.
"I know it sounds too good to be true, but just give this place a chance! Mabeland knows just what you want and always provides!" She claps, and I watch as Dipper, Soos and Wendy's clothes go back to normal and their injuries are healed. Looking down, my slightly torn clothes go back to normal as well, and my head stops pounding too. A flying hamburger goes up to Soos and be takes a bite out of it.
"Pudding center!" He cheers. "Nice!"
"Uh, actually, Mabel, I'm with Dipper on this," Wendy sighs. "Gravity Falls is in trouble and I really think-"
She's cut off by a honk as a monster truck carrying Tambry, Robbie, Nate, Lee, and Thompson drives up to the window.
"Wendy!" They chorus.
"Wha- guys? You're safe!" Wendy runs up to the window.
"We've got a monster truck full of fireworks, fake IDs, and pranking supplies," Lee cheers.
"Wanna drive this truck to the high school and glue this plunger to the principal's head?"
"Yes," Wendy's reply comes instantly. "Yes I do. Sorry, guys," She turns back to us. "I've always wanted to do that. I'll be back in just a few minutes," She hops out the window, and the truck full of laughing teenagers drives off.
"Wendy!?" Dipper watches in disbelief.
"Well... that happened."
"Don't worry, dude," Soos assures him. "There's nothing in this world that could break me from our mission."
"Same," I smile.
The doors open again, and a muscular man with a belt that says "PAPI" enters.
"Soos, mijo. I have returned!" He announces.
"Holy- whoa, whoa. Dad?"
"You don't remember what I look like," He shrugs. "So I have the body of a pro wrestler and a face you once saw on a hot sauce bottle. I was never there for you, but in this world, I can be."
"You're perfect!" Soos starts to run to him.
"Wait! It's a trap!"
"Don't go with him, Soos!" Dipper and I stop him. "No matter what he offers you!"
A few seconds pass, the "Soos' dad" pulls out a baseball mitt and ball. "Want to play catch?"
"I'm sorry, dudes," Soos turns back to us. "Even if it is all a dream, I've gotta play just one game. Hahaha! Come on, Dad!" They run out the door.
"This is getting crazy! There's a reason why we can't do this sort of thing in the real world!" I try to tell Mabel. "Sure, it's fun for a while, but eventually, it gets just... empty and bor-"
I'm cut off by a knock at the door.
"Connie? Care to answer that?" Mabel asks innocently.
I huff in exasperation, then turn to go answer the door.
"Seriously though, what's going to drag me from our mission?" I scoff, reaching for the knob. "The TARDIS or something?" I turn the handles with a click and open the door.
There's another one of those pauses I hate with my whole being when I see what's standing there.
"Aw, man..."