Selfish

Chapter 31

Edward's P.O.V

Ever since Lilly knew about her and how she latched both Jacob and I together, she wants to know more. It wasn't like she didn't care how it made me feel talking about her but she was curious to know the details of what happened. Of course that when I told her the exact details of the night I last saw her, Lilly cried and told me how sorry she was I had to go through that.

I told her I didn't mind anymore. It doesn't hurt having to remember that night, it hurt having to remember that I wasn't enough to save her. If I was then I guess I wouldn't be alone. I sometimes think about what Jacob said to me years ago before I saw him again, about how she could be out there somewhere. I don't believe that, if she was she would have already come back with me and asked me to run away like we planned to. God I wish that if she ever came and asked me to run away with her, I'd like to tell her to go to hell but I know I wouldn't. I would leave with her the first chance I had.

It's always been that way.

I dreamt about her last night again. This time we weren't running through the woods, I wasn't chasing her. I had her. She was laying in my arms, wrapped around a blanket and wiggled against me.

This is where I want to be... She would say in my dream, then just as I squeezed her against me she disappeared again.

I won't find her. Not unless she wants me to find her.

I drawn my finger down her picture, memorizing everything about it. Her big, round chocolate eyes. Her full pink lips, her heart shaped face. Everything. And memorizing the simple fact that I loved her so much I lost her.

I guess it's time.

It's been six years.

I guess it's time to let her go.

If she ever came back, which I doubt looking at the fact that she's been fine for six years, I would be happy to be with her again. Of course, not without demanding an explanation and perhaps made her beg for a week or two.

If she never comes back... I'll let her go for good. She'll be gone forever.

"What's that?" I look up at Linda, who sits at the register looking at what I'm holding with a curious look.

"The love of my life," I said, handing the picture to her. Her eyes pop open when she saw the picture, probably because of how young she looks in the picture. "The picture was taken six years ago."

"She's very beautiful," she said, handing the picture back to me. "Where is she?"

I shrug, looking at the picture sadly. "I don't know." I put the picture in my pocket and look at the time. "I have yo get back."

Work helped me keep my mind off things as usual and I really did enjoy my practice. Two more years and I'll finally be a doctor, I might go back to Forks to work with my father, I'm just not sure yet. I haven't seen all of them in months but it's not like they miss me, they all have their lives to live and have no time to worry about a lost brother or son.

After I finished with work, I decided to call my mother to check in on how she was doing.

"I'm better now, sweetie, everyone has been spoiling me for quite a bit," Mom said in a happy tone on the other side of the line.

"I'm glad, Mom. You sound better."

"I know it's stupid of me to ask but... Are you coming to the ball tonight?"