Selfish

Chapter 45

Bella's P.O.V

Pulling his hoodie over my head, I grab a piece of paper and sit down at his desk. I don't know how to apologize, a part of me doesn't even know what should I apologize for. I was the one who was almost killed by his half sister, I should be the one who is pissed but it's been flipped now. Maybe Jacob was right, maybe it wasn't about me telling him the truth. Perhaps I did want to show her off and have him hate her, that is what I wanted.

I sigh, grabbing my pen and start writing.

Dear Edward,

I know that by the time you find this, you'll be more angry with me. I cannot tell you how sorry I am, but like I told you before, this is something that I must do on my own. This is not an goodbye letter or anything like that, it's an apology letter. Jacob was right, I've been so busy looking after myself that I didn't even know I was playing with you as well. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry about Lilly, I thought it would make me feel better and plus that, you would see what a liar she was.

Perhaps she was right with that as well. Perhaps her and I aren't so different after all.

You're not a rag doll, I know that and I'm sorry I treated you as such. I'm sorry for my behavior, for all the problems I brought you from day one we met. Ever since I saw your picture, I knew it was you and I couldn't stop picturing my life with you. But my life never allowed it.

I stop writing when the tears flood my eyes. I blink them away and take a deep breath before allowing myself to continue with the letter.

It's no excuse either. I'm out of excuses. There are no more excuses. There's nothing left for me to do other than accept the fact that I am a horrible person and that I've hurt you badly. I am sorry, Edward. You have no idea how sorry I am. I hope you can forgive me one day for all the pain that I caused you. I know it might not be possible, after all the horrible things I've done. Please look after Mia. I'll be back for her once it's all over.