Entanglement

feel

Dan POV

-

Why?

That was the only word that flew through my mind most days now. Anything that occurred, since most things these days were so strange, I could barely surmise an answer to it, and I could only ask why.

After I'd gotten so angry and Phil had shown up, and after he'd put his hand on me and I'd admitted to him my emotions, I could not figure out how I felt about it.

First of all, Phil had touched me. Skin on skin, which was not only painful, but not supposed to happen. That was the whole reason it burned. Secondly, he hadn't even cared that his skin was scorching; he'd left his hand there to comfort me. I knew that angels were good, but how could someone care about helping another that much, enough to burn through their own hand?

And third, I couldn't believe what I had said to him. I hadn't even meant it; I hadn't meant to inform him that he was the one thing in my life that could stop my thoughts, stop my aggravation, stop my questions. I hadn't meant to let him know he was important to me, that he was the one thing I needed in order to stay sane these days.

I was going to tell him that it wasn't true, that it slipped, and yet when I even thought of doing that I wanted to punch myself, because it had been the truth. The truth I hadn't meant to reveal. That was why when he made a joke about how I normally seemed tense, my defense mode was back up in a split second. I hated the pain I saw on his face, however, whenever I shut him out or pretended he was upsetting me. I hated causing him pain, and yet I had done so both physically and emotionally specifically after that certain affair.

I couldn't even believe that he dealt with my shit. All the anger and bickering resulting in one sweet sentence. After all the nice things he did for me, and I still treated him like he meant nothing. I knew that he knew how much I actually cared, but that would only lead to disappointment since I didn't know if I would be able to show him again. I didn't even know why he thought it was worth it, to see me and interact with me when it wasn't helping either of us; in fact, I wondered if it was making our lives even worse.

But I immediately stomped on that thought. It was a lie. Without Phil, my life was a continuous spiral of the same work each day while I awaited the day my strange strength would make an appearance again. A never ending tunnel of my questions, a light never shining through to give me even a moment of peace away from them.

He was that light, however.

Despite the moment where I'd revealed I actually did have feelings and I wasn't only an emotionless monster like I used to be, everything had returned to normal once I'd calmed down and Phil began talking. That had helped me even more; I could listen to him ramble about anything. It was cute how he often went on a tangent and forgot what the topic of conversation had been in the first place, resulting in him asking me and my response being only laughter.

It was another day now. Another day of the same stuff over and over again, only interrupted by the hours I spent with Phil. I was hoping that Tyler saw how much work I had done yesterday while in my fury and wouldn't question me this morning. I just wanted to get to Earth and be alone for a while; I wanted to get things done so that Tyler would stop being suspicious and then meet with Phil, and maybe not be as angry as I was yesterday.

I was lucky when I ran into both Troye and Tyler, because the demon couldn't scold me while he was with his boyfriend. We simply chatted for a few minutes before I explained that I should get going, since there was a lot of work to be done. Tyler scoffed, but I left before he could call me out on being an absolute hypocrite.

I was also lucky that Tyler hadn't informed Connor of my strange lack of work. If he did, Connor would be forced to watch what I was doing with his advising spells, and right now, he was too lazy to bother with most of us. I didn't mind; I really didn't want anyone knowing of the interactions I participated in on Earth.