Bittersweet (Wolfstar)

Five

S I R I U S

Sirius did nothing to stop Remus from chugging four, five, six cups of an odd mixture of various liquors once they got to the party. He himself is sipping on his third cup of the stuff and is only slightly dizzy, his lips tingling. He knows how to hold his own, but he can see Remus can't. He sits in the corner of the room, talking into the wall. Sirius approaches him and leans close, "How you holding up, Moony?" The new nickname falls easily off of his tongue. Remus leans his head up, looks at Sirius and shrugs.

"The wall makes my voice louder." He sighs, giving Sirius a lazy smile as the boy slides down the wall onto his bottom. It was the first time he had seen Remus really smiling.

"You're pretty drunk, huh?" Sirius asks, grinning weakly.

"Uh...yeah...I guess. Yeah. Drunk." He stammers, blinking so slowly it's almost like he is taking mini naps.

"Very. Do you need water?" Sirius sits beside Remus, who shrugs again and leans against the wall.

"Nah. I...I want more of that stuff." He points to Sirius' cup. "It makes my stomach feel spicy. Tingle tingle." He whispers the last part, chuckling at himself. Sirius pats Remus' back, who looks up at him, squinting. "Do you know where Dora went?" Then he slaps a hand over his mouth, stifling a giggle. "Oh, wait! She's dead." He tries to keep himself from laughing, his hand clamped tightly over his mouth. Soon, as Sirius expected, the laughs turn to heavy breathing and choking sobs.

The older boy heaves Remus to his feet. "Let's go get fresh air, yeah?" Sirius says calmly into Remus' ear, who nods and numbly follows Sirius.

His breathing is coming in fits, loud and heavy and uncontrollable. Sirius carries him outside once he realizes Remus can't walk without tripping, lying him in the grass carefully. "Hey, hey, hey. You're okay, Remus. You're okay. Don't stress, kid. You'll be fine. Breathe in for ten seconds." They each take in breaths for ten seconds, attracting the attention of a few other party goers. Remus looks up at the sky, eyes focused on the stars, breathing. "Breathe out for ten seconds." Sirius instructs, and they both do it slowly. "Again." They repeat this several times while Remus just stares at the sky without really focusing on anything.

When his breathing had finally gone back to normal, Sirius lay beside him to look at the night sky. "Do you see the brightest one, just there?" He asks, pointing to a star.

"Sirius. The Dog Star." Remus slurs, sitting up quickly and leaning away, vomiting into the grass beside them. Sirius sits back up, rubbing Remus' back carefully. "Sorry. Sorry. I had biscuits and cheerios today." He mumbles, blinking at his throw up and lying back down.

"That isn't why you threw up, mate." Sirius grins, putting Remus' head in his lap instead of in the grass.

"Oh. I also had a tomato, though. I like tomatoes, did you know? Some people say that tomatoes are fruit, but I...I think that is a lie. Maybe that's why I got sick." He birbs, looking up at Sirius with glossy eyes. "Dora says --said-- tomatoes are just confused vegetables." He shrugs, closing his eyes.

"Do you want to sleep, Moony?" Sirius asks, Remus' eyes shooting open.

"No! No! I don't want to! When I sleep I think about Dora."

"Is that so bad?" Sirius asks, but Remus just shakes his head. It is silent for a while, Remus just staring at the sky and Sirius staring at him.

"Sometimes..." He sighs, "I think other people are only alive because I am alive. And...and when I die, everyone around me will cease to exist. I don't...don't want everyone else to stop living because I die. That's selfish of me. I don't want to be shellfish." He babbles eventually, reaching up to touch Sirius' face, surprised when he sees he can actually feel him. "Wow." He mumbles, looking at his hand, then shrugging. "I thought you were made of stars, because your black hair blended into the sky." He sighs, sitting up slowly. Sirius chuckles to himself. "Can we go home?"

Sirius used Remus' phone to call his dad, explaining that Remus was simply too tired to go home and was going to spend a night at Sirius' house if that was alright. When Lyall had said yes, Sirius picked Remus up like a small child, putting him in the backseat of Marlene's car. She had permitted Sirius to use it, since he only had a motorcycle. It was a trade until they saw each other next on a Thursday meeting.

"Sirius, did I tell you how I got these?" Remus asks suddenly from the backseat. Sirius looks back to see him pointing at the scars along his face and arms.

"No." Sirius replies, trying his best to keep his eyes on the road, still slightly dizzy from the booze. "I don't want to know now, though. Take a nap, Moony." He says, taking short glances at the boy in his rearview mirror.

They reach his apartment building and the lot is quiet and dark, save for a single street lamp a few meters away. Sirius slings Remus' arm around his shoulder, hauling him into the elevator inside the lobby. When they reach his floor, he unlocks his door and Remus falls from his grasp, his bottom hitting the floor.

"Shit. You alright, mate?" Sirius grabs Remus by the under arms, lifting him up to a standing position. Remus doesn't answer, just follows Sirius blindly to his bedroom. "You want to sleep?"

"No..." He says, his voice tired and lazy, eyes drooping. "No...I want to go...outside." He grumbles, looking out of the glass door that leads to the balcony. He shuffles out of Sirius' grasp and to the door, tripping over his feet repeatedly. Sirius follows him, opening the door and stepping out into the brisk December air. "What time is it?" Remus asks, sitting on the small balcony clumsily. Sirius sits beside him, their bodies almost touching, and checks his watch.

"Three in the morning." He replies, and Remus nods, leaning his head on Sirius' shoulder. They sit like this, silent and cold, for nearly fifteen minutes until Sirius breaks the silence by lighting a cigarette between his teeth.

"The stars make me feel better. My mum used to take me to the beach every weekend and we would stay up all night looking at the sky." Said Remus, leaning further into Sirius' chest, pressing a gentle hand against it, also. He closes his eyes and forces Sirius to put an arm around his shoulder.

"That so?" Sirius asks, looking down at Remus, who is shivering with cold.

"Yeah. She was a good person. You're a good person, too. For taking care of me." He runs his finger across the scar along his face, and continues, "I've never been drunk before. I always used to go to parties with Nymphadora, but I had to drive. I never drank."

"She did like parties. I was at a few of them, but I was usually, er, indisposed." Sirius places his chin on top of Remus' head, taking a drag of the cigarette.

"Indisposed. Yeah. I would just sit by and take care of her like you're doing now." He whispers, eyes still sealed shut tightly and lip quivering in the cold air.

"Lets go inside, Remus." Sirius says, patting the boys shoulder reassuringly.

"No. I don't want to go inside. I like it out here. The sky is peaceful." He smiles a little, and Sirius nods.

"Let me go get some blankets so we don't freeze, yeah?" Sirius asks, and Remus shrugs, sitting up off of him. He stands, going quickly inside to get a few blankets and pillows. He takes them on the balcony, shutting the door behind him. Remus was staring down at the streets, eyes blank and empty. He sits down, covering the boy, Moony, in a thick comforter and laying the pillows on the ground. They both lean back on them while Sirius covers his own body with a blanket.

Sirius stares at the stars, both of them silent and drunk.

Remus got so close to Sirius, he can feel the hot breaths on his neck and his fluttering eyelashes against his cheek. He doesn't mind, though. He is drunk and tired and cold. Sirius understands.

They stay quiet, but awake, until the sun starts to rise and birds start chirping in the distance.