Chasing an Angel

C13.3 - SOMEONE'S POV.1

We grew up together, played together and, dreamed of a future to be together forever. But I realized later that the dream to forever was mine alone for somewhere down our journey together he took a different route.

My ally, my protector and in most times my mentor is now only a sweet memory of the past.

As kids we enjoyed the same games and share the same interest and fun. There were times though that our choices doesn't harmonize but he always made it a practice to reconsider his choices to match with mine and this in a way had pampered and spoiled me that I had to admit and mused later as part of possible causes that drove him away from me.

We are both an only child of our respective parents, hence we became a brother and a sister to each other at very young age, best friend and buddy at adolescent and as young adults we brought our relationship to a higher level, but, it was also on this stage when we started to drift apart.

Yes, I love RJ very much, a love that I may had been born with and grew as I aged. I was so confident that we are exclusively for each other only. He had me feel it, enjoy it and live with it since I became aware of what life is. Thus, life has lost its excitement when he told me that he realized he love me as a dear sister and nothing more. God knows I tried to do the same, love him as a brother but it never worked. For years, I cannot move on and had hold on to the hope that there is still a big chance that it will still be the "two of us" in the end. Though we almost don't see each other anymore but I am updated of the happenings about him and one that kept me holding and hoping on, is the knowledge that he had only a couple of very brief relationship and had not been serious with anyone after us. I kept my distance with the strong belief that maybe he is just a confused soul and by being with others will help him realize that it will still be me and no one else. 

But the unexpected encounter with him dinning with an innocent looking lady totally shattered the little hope that I still cling to. How he looked at her with so much longing totally broke my already ravaged heart into pieces. I felt so hopeless and defeated.

But a speckle of hope rekindled when dad decided to develop a remote family owned island as a family hideaway resort and contracted the company that he is connected with to do all the works and improvements. I saw an opportunity to be with him, a suitable reason to be close to him again hoping and praying that this will restore the camaraderie that we both share before.

However, every time I am with him, he unknowingly hurt me more for he does not keep it a secret to everyone that he is deeply in love with a very wonderful lady. His actions and his overall aura show that he is very happy and so pleased with his life now. Yes, I am a fool for despite the hurt, I find happiness just being with his company most of the day. The awkwardness between us had started to melt away and we began getting comfortable with each other again.

But this did not satisfy me and I aspired for more. So, I crafted ideas that will destroy their relationship and possible reclaim what is mine before.

Taking over my dad, I designed countless revisions so as to cancel the schedule weekend trips to mainland Cebu and the deadline allocation was a very valid pretext to forgo this weekend trips for deadlines to be meet.

Feeling comfortable with my company again, maybe thinking that I had already gotten over him, he had unwittingly provided me information about his ladylove and their activities which aided me in formulating plans that will effectively ruin what they have.

Thus, when we returned to Cebu on the third week, I followed him in his condo and found him talking to someone on the phone. I purposely let my presence be known by the one on the other line which I am sure is his ladylove. I gave him no chance of calling her again as I invited him and the rest of the workforce at a bar in the guise of a thanksgiving blowout to everyone for being so cooperative and for a job well done.

Unsuspecting, I cunningly let him have one glass after another until he was totally drank. And when an opportunity came I dropped something into his drink to help ensure the accomplishment of my plans. When he was totally wasted I requested one of his worker to help me bring him back to his condo.

It was the ideal opportunity to have my plans fulfilled. I wasted no time and started into action and recorded everything that took place. I have no doubt that this will result to what I really wish for, wreck their relationship and claim him back.

The following afternoon I borrowed his phone for a minute on the pretense that I left mine in the hotel room for I need to place an urgent call to dad which he promptly obliged. I walked towards a considerable distance just enough to be hidden from his sight, searched for her number and sent that very damaging text.

I know I have succeeded based on whispers going around how Alden seems to be so washed out and devastated although there were no clear accounts of why and how it happened. And Alden, well, he had a very obvious transformation. He became desolate and evaded everyone's company outside of work and official duty functions. And the friendly companionship that we had reestablished was totally blown by the wind. He only talks to his assistant most of the time and gone are the small regular talks that we have for he had placed an invisible wall between him and almost everyone, and I am not an exception.

Seeing how depressed 'MY RJ' is (yes that was my endearment to him  then), I realized the severity of what I have done. I had become a very selfish person who could afford to destroy other people's happiness just to attain what I want. I was so guilty and miserable too. This is not the real me that I know of but because of unreciprocated love I had turned into a monster. I know I would never be happy with what I may achieve with the knowledge that this has caused someone else misery. I wanted to apologize and repair whatever damage I had made but how would I do it? I could not just confess to Alden for he would hate me so much and possibly would not forgive me this time.

As they say, there are no secrets that time does not reveal, mine was discovered in a matter of months.

Alden was in my front door when I opened it due to a very insistent knocking one day. His somber looks already give me a hint on the reason of his presence and haste. And my hunch was further confirmed when he raised a phone to me without speaking but just looking directly into my eyes. I know my time is up. In my craziness, I had forgotten too that Alden is a very smart guy that could not be easily fooled. What I have done he could easily uncover, once he seriously decides to put his heart into it.

I unhesitatingly acknowledge my offenses ready to face the consequences while crying profusely. I am most willing to comply for whatever he wants me to do to possible repair the damage that I had created.

I felt blessed for despite the agonies I caused him, his soft part for me still prevailed. And, I learned an important lesson on how to be happy despite adversities to attain what you want.

"Life is full of hardship and failures but it is how you deal with them in the end that will define the real you."

And believe me, I feel fulfilled and free, once I choose to do the right thing. Also, I realized that moving on is not that hard to do recalling what he told me at the restaurant then where I first laid my eyes on that very lucky lady, the love of his life.

"Life is beautiful and opportunities are everywhere, just keep your options open and don't just focus on one horizon."

To the only brother that I had, still have and will have, at alam kong mahal ako ano man ang mangyari.

"Yes kuya RJ, I will do this for I know as a brother you will always stand by me when I need you."