120 days of Summer

Day 115

  Almost a week has been passed since I erased those photos and my old life.
If you ever felt lost and hurt without a reason then you'll understand how I felt- lost, hurt, in pain when the reason is unknown.

***

"Summer, don't forget to print this photos and schedule an interview with the bands in the list", like always in the past five days the other photographer ordered me to do her paper work and stay in the office till the sun was beyond the horizon.
Because I had to keep my new job I did everything everyone said or ordered me to do.
Me and Jack, the other photographer, were the last to stay in the office but now he left to meet his friends, of family or girlfriend or whoever he's planning to meet, and again, I'm alone.
"Goodnight Summer!", Jack shouted and closed the door.
Without any words I leaned back in my chair and stared through the big window.
My phone let quiet sounds which took me back to reality,the horrible reality.

Come back to me, please...

Austin texted me again..
I guess he's drunk, like always. He always drunk when he texted me.
I decided to ignore the text and keep working.

Don't ignore me...I love you Summer...

At this point I felt bad for him because I don't remember a thing about him or about my so-called family. I just can't.

Austin, please stop that! You can't drink this much, its bad for your heart!!!
I don't care, I just want you... without you every step is another nail in my coffin...
Stop!

At this point I began to cry and ignored his texts for real.
I finished quickly finished printing the photos and packing my stuff.

A hour later I was already at my nice hotel room, which my uncle has helped to rent, threw my things at the shitty hotel bed and went to the bathroom.
The moment I looked at myself I began to cry more- my hair was one big mess, my makeup was leaking on my face and black tears from mascara streamed on my cheeks.

With trembling hand I took piece of paper and a pen and began to write a letter.
After the letter was finished I wrote a message to the first people in my phone contacts.
Now I was ready. Now I can go in peace.
I opened each pill bottle I had, all my medications, and spread them on my bed. Afterwards I took the razor which I used in the past days to shave and to cut myself. Today it had another purpose.

I sliced my wrist throughout its length,and the pills was kind of insurance of my death.
After I swallowed all the amount of pills I began to feel sleepy.
Well, its the end. Finely.

******

Dear Austin, Alan, Aaron, Tino, Phil, Sky, Hannah, Vic, Mike, Tony, Jaime and others.
I don't have too much time, and I'm sorry for what I did.
The only explanation to this is what happened. I can't remember any of you!
I see how it effects you all, how I hurt you, and I decided to end it.
I saw all the happy summer we had, through the photos I took during the Warped.
I'm sorry Austin that I broke your broken heart, I'm sorry that I took your love and threw it to the trash.
To Sky and Hannah, the photos showed me that we were good friends. I'm sorry that my last act was selfish and not friendly at all.
To my friends, I'm sorry.
I love you
Summer.