Olympic Conquest

Lainey - He's Gone

The door to my room opens. "He's gone," my mom whispers to me as I look out my window. 

"He brought this for you." She walks toward me and then changes her mind. Instead she leaves a black velvet jewelry box on my pillow. I look over at it and close my eyes, unable to think about Cory picking out a piece of jewelry for me.

"Your dad and I need to handle some business – call a few of your sponsors. We'll just be outside your room." 

I nod, keeping my gaze out the window.

"And Michelle called too. She wants to know if she and Julie and Kelly can come by. What should I tell her?"

"Thank them for their concern, but I'm fine. I'll call them later."

"It may be good for you to see more people."

"I told you I will when I'm ready."

"Okay."

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

I look her in the eyes. "Are you and dad getting back together?"

She takes her time to answer. "I don't know honey. We're not making any decisions at the moment. We all need each other right now."

"Okay."

I look back out the window and blink at the bright sun.

"And can you tell me-"

"Yes?"

"Who won the World Championships?"

"Is that really important right now?"

"Just tell me."

"Honey, don't do this to yourself."

"Just fucking tell me already."

"Anna. Anna won."

I lean my head back against the window. Well, at least some things happen as expected. A twinge of jealousy rushes through my body. I'm not sure if it's jealousy over her winning the competition or jealousy that she's healthy enough to skate and win. I look down at my body – angry that it's failing me right now. For years, my body was the perfect figure skating machine. I could jump high and spin forever. I feel it all slipping away from me so quickly.

"I wish you would talk to me. Tell me why you won't see anyone. We're worried about you," my mom asks. I feel her concern enveloping me.

"I'm fine. I'd like to be alone please."

Mom finally closes the door and leaves me with my thoughts.

I know Cory is gone because I'm watching him leave the hospital. He puts on his sunglasses – the sun beating down on him. Even though I'm not ready to see him, I can't take my eyes off of him. His blonde hair is longer, he has a beard, and his strong body appears smaller from this vantage point. He limps, no doubt from his surgery. He looks tired. I want to run to him and throw my arms around him and tell him not to leave. That I'm sorry for not listening to him when I pushed the snowmobile beyond my limits. But instead, I watch as he gets to his car. Martin tries to help him with the car door but Cory gently pushes him away. He's always so stubborn, never wanting to accept help from anyone. He's more like me than I'd like to admit.

Cory pulls open the door and slowly gets inside. He looks up at the hospital. I lean back from the window – even though I know he can't see me from this far away. As he and Martin pull away, I put my hand on the window. I hope he forgives me.

I stand at the window for a long time. Mom and dad bring me food but I refuse to eat or move from this spot. I know that as soon as I bring myself to take a step from this position, I have to face the fact that Cory is gone. And I made him leave. And to be honest, I'm trying to figure out exactly why.