Olympic Conquest

Cory - Pretending

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I bang the steering wheel hard. I can't believe she's getting married. I blink back the tears that are starting to blur my vision and burn my cheeks. 

Maybe I didn't try hard enough to get her back? Maybe I gave her too much space? Perhaps I loved her more than she loved me? 

I step on the gas and race down the mountain road - the moon burning bright overhead.

I should have gone to her and told her how much I loved her. Never stopped telling her. Maybe then we would be together?

The wheels of my roadster hit the gravel on the side of the road and the back end swerves, almost sending me down the side of the mountain. I straighten out and slow down.

She probably got tired of dealing with it all. I don't blame her. We've been apart so long, it's natural to lose hope and move on. I always thought we had time. That our love was too strong to be lost. 

But then ... if we were meant to be together, wouldn't we have made it work by now? Why has it been so hard?

I remember the love she had for me before her accident. I could see it in her eyes. That's what I've been holding onto this entire time. She was so positive that we were meant for one another. Where did those feelings go? Did she just bury them? Could they still be there?

I'm so confused. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to give up on us, but if she is engaged to someone else, then she's made her decision.

And I don't want to cause any more problems for her and her new life. She deserves to be happy. If this is what she wants then I have to figure out how to move on. 

It looks like the Olympics are going to be a fresh start in every aspect of my life.

The small mountain road widens finally. I turn on the cruise control and try to tune out the pain of losing Lainey. 

I finally get back to my room and my brain has switched back to obsessing about Lainey. How did I fuck up the best thing in my life? I can't stop pacing. The competition is over so it's okay if I head to the bar for a drink. I get there and it's packed – a sea of celebratory athletes and coaches. I see some of my teammates and I join them for some shots.

"Hey there stranger."

I turn around and it's Karen, my sports psychologist. "Hey! I didn't know you'd be here. It's nice to see you. Hey bartender, get this lady a shot!" I yell over the chaos of the celebration. The shots are numbing me quite nicely at this point too.

"Congratulations on all of your wins. I knew you would do well."

"Let's find a quieter place to talk." I pull her to the back of the bar and we settle into the same side of a booth.

"So is it okay for you to fraternize with one of your former patients?" I ask.

"The key word is 'former,'" she says.

"Good. Because I'd like to get to know you better." I move closer to her and place my arm on the booth behind her head - not quite touching her but clearly showing my intention. Maybe being with someone else will lessen the hurt?

"I'd like that too," she blushes. I notice she has a nice smile.

I order us another round of drinks and we talk for a long time. The guys send round after round of shots our way. I hand her another one.

"So you wouldn't believe it, but I saw Lainey tonight."

I feel Karen stiffen next to me. "Oh yeah? Where did you see her?"

"In Colorado Springs. And guess what?"

"What?"

"She's engaged," I laugh. "I didn't see that coming."

Karen looks at me and then reaches for her coat.

"Hey, hey, where are you going?" I ask.

"I should really get back to my room. I've had too many shots already," she says. "I'm feeling a little tipsy." 

And that's when I lean in and try to kiss her. Only she stops me.

"You want to go back to my room instead?" I ask her.

"No Cory I don't. And I don't think you want me to either."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you just lost someone you really cared about."

"I like you Karen. Isn't that enough?"

Karen grabs her things and stands up, making her point. "You need to be alone for a while."

"I have been alone. For four fucking years. Pining over a woman who doesn't care about me."

"It's obvious you still love her. And being with me won't change that."

"Well that doesn't matter anymore does it? She's marrying someone else."

"If you take any piece of advice from me, take this. Use this time to figure out who you are and what you want. Once you have that figured out then think about involving another person in your life." Karen presses for me to let her out of the booth. I get up and watch her go. 

Surprisingly or not, I feel relieved. While I don't want to feel alone, the only person I really want to be with is Lainey. I order another drink and pretend that everything's okay. I have no clue how I'm supposed to get over the love of my life. I toss back another shot and feeling completely numb, I head back to my room to sleep and hopefully forget everything for a little while.