Believing in love...Again (A Zayn Malik story)

Chapter 3: Find a getaway

ZAYN:

Time passes even when it seems impossible. Time doesn’t understand that you need time to grieve, to mourn your loss. Time is cruel. Time passes even when you are broken beyond repair. Time passes even when every second feels like eternity. Time passes even when every part of your body hurts as if it has been bruised. But pass it does.

 It has been three weeks ever since my life was turned upside down, three weeks since I am broken, three weeks since…she left me. In these three weeks, there hadn’t been any progress in me. I mean obviously, you honestly can’t expect me to act all normal just after three weeks. I was anything but normal. No, I was not crying my eyes out. I lived like a zombie. I would wake up in the morning, do what was asked of me, get back home and sleep. I had asked the caretakers to take a vacation because I wanted to do the house work. I figured that it would make me tired and being tired would avoid me from thinking too much. And it helped. When I got home, I would engage myself in the work and would continue cleaning the big mansion till I was dead tired and then would go back to sleep. Never in my life did I ever think I would mop the whole house, even when I was not famous and lived in a small house. And yet here I am, cleaning a freaking mansion. But like I said, it helped. And at this point of time, anything that helped was better. The boys had invited me to clubbing or to just hang out, but I had flat out refused. I wasn’t done grieving and by the looks of it, I wouldn’t be anytime soon. I turned back to the emotionless demeanor after that breakdown in front of Niall and no matter how much he tried to convince me to show some emotions, I refused. I was better off this way. It was easier to handle all the hurt by being numb rather than by being a constant crying machine. Like I said earlier, I had tried showing emotions, but I couldn’t deal with that.

The boys had been relentless; they were hell bent on making me feel again. Harry had tried to make me laugh. He was disappointed when I hadn’t even cracked a smile. Liam had tried to have a deep conversation with me and had been disappointed when I talked to him a monotonic voice. Niall had tried to cheer me up with food. I know it was way too clichéd of him to be offering me my favorite chicken from Nandos, because the world knows that Niall is in love with food, but that’s Niall for you. On any other day I would’ve laughed my ass off on seeing Niall trying to cheer up someone by food, but that day, nothing. Louis was the only one who had suggested something worth trying but that had backfired because I had ended up getting damn close to having another full blown panic attack. He said that I should try remembering all the time that I spent with her, all the good times when she made me feel as she loved me. I had flat out refused. But he had tried to convince me by saying that it will help me. I considered it for a second before I went into a flashback. The day I first saw her, the day I first realized that she was more than just a publicity stunt, the day I asked her to be my official girlfriend, the moment she said yes, she had loved me then, and I had seen it in her eyes. The day I got the tattoo, she had been clearly shocked at that, she wasn’t expecting it, just like she hadn’t been expecting the proposal. The proposal… I had done it the traditional way. And she had said yes, yes she was hesitant but she still said yes. If she hadn’t been sure than, she should’ve said no. What was the reason behind saying yes when she knew she was going to leave me? And that stopped the flashback, that one memory when she handed me the ring back sent me in a frenzy of emotions, panic being the first one. The boys had rushed to me to comfort and when they realized that I had calmed myself enough to not die, they apologized. I told them that it was okay and they had left, still disappointed that their only attempt at getting me to feel had clearly failed. After that little incident I had sworn that I would never take a walk down that particular memory lane. I couldn’t deal with it. All those memories only intensified the pain.  

The confrontation with my family went….well, it just went. The day after my breakdown in front of Niall, because I refuse to refer to it as the day my love left me, I woke up to my phone buzzing off. Apparently, the lads had informed my family about it. I called my mom and she had picked up right after the first ring, as if she had been waiting right by the phone for me to call her, which now when I think of it, she probably had been. She asked me how I was and I had told her that I was okay. What else could I say? I was emotionless, numb. So yes, I was actually okay, as long as I was not feeling anything. But she, being mom, kept on asking me if I was actually okay and every time I gave her the same answer; I was fine, she didn’t need to worry. She finally got fed up of my “I am fine’s” and started yelling at me, begging me to show some emotion. I just simply let her yell. When she was done, I told her that I was not being difficult. I told her that I needed this or else I wouldn’t be able to cope up. She said she understood but I doubted that she really did. Next was Doniya. The conversation pretty much went the same. She asked me if I was okay and I replied in a flat voice that I was.  She like mom, asked me to show some emotions and I refused. Whaliya was the only who didn’t ask me to not be numb. She just told me that everything will be fine. She said that now it feels like the end of the world but it is not. Well, guess what sister? I lost the only girl who made me feel that way about her and she left me. Apparently, it is the end of the world. But no, I didn’t say this to her. She was just trying. So what if it was useless? Finally, it was Safaa and even though I smile every time I hear her voice, yet she couldn’t bring even a ghost of smile on my face. I talked to her for a couple minutes before my dad took the phone from her. He asked me the same and to be honest, I was tired of all of them asking me the same thing. But in my emotionless state, I wasn’t even annoyed. I just told him what I told everyone and eventually, he too got fed up of my flat voice and hung up saying that he is there for me if I need him. I didn’t reply and just hung up.