Believing in love...Again (A Zayn Malik story)

Chapter 17: Tonight I'm getting over you

RASHEL:

I just watched him as he sang to me. I just sat there in awe as Zayn looked me in the eye and belted out the lyrics of the song to me. Once he was finished, he got up to keep the guitar on the couch. I never knew he could play the guitar but damn, he could. I got up too and as soon as he turned around, I attacked him with a hug. I got on my toes, trying to reach his height and my arms went around his neck as my face buried in the crook of his neck. I caught a whiff of his scent, the familiar woodsy smell I had become accustomed to, the smell that was just Zayn, the smell that made me feel home even if that was pulled straight out of a cheesy book. He hugged me back, his arms wrapping around my waist. I hugged him even tighter, wanting him to know that I was putting all I had in me in that one hug. That simple gesture held all the feelings I could probably muster up. I wanted him to know that he was the only one that mattered right now and there was nothing that right now, I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. I held onto him tightly. I never wanted to let go. I was scared that if I did, he would disappear in a puff of air and I would realize that this was all just a dream. That he never sang to me, never promised that he will always be there, never said that he wanted to see me smile again, that he never wants to laugh with me again, never made me feel special.

For the first time in a whole year, I felt that particular emotion. For the first time in a year, I felt my heart doing a somersault. I had forgotten how it felt like to feel as if my heart was going jump right out of mouth. My heart hasn’t as much as sped up for even once. I had forgotten what it felt like to have your heart beating irregularly. I had forgotten what it felt like, what it felt like to feel special. Ever since…Luke, no one had made me feel like that, like I was important. Never being good enough, I had been carrying it with me since he said that I wasn’t enough. I had come to accept that I would never be enough for anyone to do something exceptional just for me, I had accepted that I wasn’t important enough. But today, it changed. I didn’t feel worthless. I felt special, I felt important. Zayn sang to me, Zayn Malik freaking sang a whole fucking song to me. And not just any song, he sang a damn beautiful song to me. His angelic voice singing to me was the best damn thing that had happened to me. He made me feel special, he made me believe, even if just for a second, that I was good enough. He did what no one could do in a whole year. He did what I never expected anyone to do.

He showed me that he cared. He showed that I mattered to him. After Luke had left, I had started believing that no one cared enough. No one stayed for the whole deal, people always leave even if you give them all you had. You can’t blame me. I had my heart removed right out of my chest, of course I started believing that no one cared. That was the main reason I build up huge walls around me. I didn’t want anyone to have the power to break me and I knew that love gave that power. I stopped associating with people because I believed that they would eventually leave and I would be left broken all over again. I couldn’t have that. I didn’t want that.

But when Zayn came around, things changed. I don’t know what it was about him that made me trust him with everything I had in me. Maybe it was the circumstances under which we met, maybe it was because we knew what the other was going through, or maybe it was sheer luck, but he made me believe otherwise. He made me believe that people don’t always leave. Sometimes, they stay and they stay for the whole deal. He made me believe that I don’t have to block out people just because I am scared because while I am hiding in my shell, I might miss out on some of the best relationships out there. He made me believe in himself and me. He made me believe that he would never leave me. I never thought I would ever believe in those words again. I would never leave you. But somehow, Zayn convinced me that he wasn’t going anywhere. He was right here with me. The relief that washed over me on realizing that was overwhelming.